Night of the Living Copyright Infringements
by Britz
Summary: Halloween night becomes a whirlwind of gore, zombies and laughter cracking when the Yeerks raise the dead, release a mutant plague on the town and "pay homage" to classic horror like there's no such thing as a registered trademark! Funnier than having to
1. It Begins

Britz-Muahahahahahahaha!!! Trick or treat, read my fic, give some feedback to read...Well, I really screwed that up.  
  
Disclaimer-If I did this for real it would take forever, so lets just say Animorphs and anything that goes on in this story isn't mine, including most of the name.  
  
~~Night of the Living Copyright Infringements~~  
  
~Chapter One~  
  
The Visser's top scientist inhabited the body of a tall, harassed looking man named Steve Hannen, whose Yeerk had long been wishing it had followed his mothers advise in becoming an office clerk rather than the Visser's scientist, sure the dental plan was great but it wasn't worth the job stress. Long hours, little professional curtesy and a boss that'd sooner decapitate you than dock your pay.  
  
His head jerked up when the door slid open, Visser Three's hooves clopped across the tile floor and there he stood, looming above the cowering host.  
  
[You rang?] Visser Three asked his top scientist, [this better be good, I'm missing Pee-Wee's playhouse.]  
  
Here went nothing, he sucked air into his lungs to quell his shaking and spoke "Yes Visser, I think I may have found a solution to our problems with the Andalite bandits." It was after-all middle of the series-ish and they were unaware of the fact they 'Andalite bandits' were human.  
  
If Visser Three had a mouth he would have drooled at the news, [You have?] His voice cracked into a girlish note of excitement like it always did but has gone previously unmentioned, after all his top scientist would not say that so bluntly if he didn't have something pretty damn special to back it up.  
  
Steve gulped, sweat trickled down his spine, "Yes Visser, a new programmable virus I've invented, I call it 'Essence of Halloween'." Boy that name seemed fitting in the lab but here, talking into the stern Andalite face of Visser Three's host it seemed like a really bad idea.  
  
[Hmmm, nice name, so what does it do?] The Visser asked.  
  
"Well, when introduced to the body of any species it attacks the system and 'Halloweenizes' it." He had made air quotation marks around and mentally slapped himself for that, he had immediately realised the relation to Dr Evil.  
  
[That's brilliant, how did this come about?]  
  
"Well I was working late one night, thinking over some evil plots.." In Steve's memory we see him at home on the couch, red eyed and unshaven with an empty bottle in hand, lightening flashed outside, illuminating the room with blue white light "Suddenly it hit me." He visibly jerked and dropped the bottle.  
  
"I consulted my database for information on the supernatural, specifically, the art of raising the dead!" Steve sat at his desk, banging the side of his computer 'Fucking load damnit! I got to get broadband' finally acclaimed web page 'houseofhorrors.com' comes up on screen.  
  
"I gathered up the proper material.." Steve shoved open the door of his local video shop with rain pouring down outside, he looked soaked, drunk and bedraggled, he stumbled into the horror section and began loading up on movies under the confused gaze of the clerk.  
  
"I got back and put them into processing.." Hair mattered down with rain, clothes sticking to his skin Steve grabbed his microwave and begun shoving tapes into it, all to do with raising of the dead, Evil Dead 1, 2 and 3, The Night of the Living Dead trilogy, Pet Sematary, Zombie, Dead Alive, Weekend at Bernie's, then finally he slammed the door, lightening tore apart the sky outside as he pressed the start button and begun to laugh, and laugh, and laugh...  
  
The microwave hummed to life, inside the tapes melted and mixed, turning into a black and evil looking muck, bubbling and boiling, finally it beeped, long and low and he opened the door, a madman's grin frozen on his face, smoke belched from the machine and Steve coughed and spluttered till it cleared and he peered inside carefully, then again he laughed again.  
  
Lightening flashed outside again; throwing the sky into insane stark relief as Steve threw back his had and brayed.  
  
"It's alive! Aliiiive!"  
  
The Visser looked shocked [Wow, you really created this stuff by putting a bunch of video tapes in your microwave?]  
  
"Actually no." Steve admitted, "All I did was break my microwave and fill my apartment with this god awful smell that still won't go away, the next day however I came in and got cracking, eight months later and bada bing" With a flourish he pulled a vial of yellow liquid out of his pocket and held it to the light.  
  
[Pretty, so what will it do when put into action?]  
  
"Well Visser the mutagen is a constantly shifting one making predictions for all subjects, most it will kill and then reanimate as zombies but some it will attack the DNA and turn the infected into unpredictable mutants, it's almost as if the virus was some kind of obtuse but convenient plot device" He laughed nervously, "Heheh, almost."  
  
[Sweeet, just how I apparently like my evil plots, unique, initiative taking, overzealous and with a blatant disregard for chaos theory. What's the call on how to administer the virus?]  
  
"It has to be done through the blood so were going to raise up some zombies with some weird space radiation and give them the virus, the zombies will go after the Andalite bandits, attacking anything that gets in their way." Steve told him.  
  
How will the zombies find them?  
  
"The virus has a bonus side effect," Steve replied, "Or is that affect, never mind, fact is the zombies will be able to track down the morphing signatures of the Andalite bandits, like your ex-pet 'Veleek' only they won't even need the bandits to morph to detect the energy."  
  
Visser Three drummed his many fingers against each other in a Mr Burns fashion, excellent, let the Halloween festivities begin. . . .We are doing this on Halloween right?  
  
"I wouldn't have it any other way Visser."  
  
Then make it so.  
  
"Ummm, okay."  
  
~Chapter Two~   
  
Jake was just putting the finishing touches on his Halloween costume when the phone rang, he did what most people did when they heard the phone ring and that was he picked it up, "Hello?"  
  
"Hello Jakey," said a deep, weird and oddly metallic voice, "Do you like scary movies?"  
  
"No, not really." Jake replied.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry to have bothered you then." and the person on the other end hung up.  
  
"Well that was weird," Jake muttered to himself and he hung up the phone. Then there was a knocking at his front door, "Ooh! That must be the guys; he walked down the hall towards the front door and was struck with a terrifying thought.  
  
"You know if this was a movie there would probably be a killer at the door," he said as the thought occurred to him.  
  
Jake felt a shiver go up his spine, what if it was killer at the door? Maybe another in the house! Wasn't that the way it worked in 'Scream'? One distracted the person by being at the door and the other guy came up and killed the girl with the big breasts and tight top? Jake thought so but he was distracted, mostly by the girl with the big breasts and the tight top.  
  
The person at the door knocked again, Jake felt he would have to get out of here NOW if he was to live, he steeled himself up for a fight, he'd fought much worse after all, right? He grabbed a convenient baseball bat from the hall cupboard and opened the door.  
  
THERE LOOMED A FIGURE IN THE KILLER ATTIRE NORMALLY ATTRIBUTED TO THE SCREAM MOVIES!!!!! EEP!  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Jake screamed and he struck out with the bat, once, twice, three times, the 'killer' crumpled and lay still but Jake kept beating him with the bat, wild vicious strikes but Jake wanted to be sure.  
  
"JAKE! Jake! What are you doing?!" Cassie screamed at him from the bottom of Jakes driveway, running towards him, "Stop hitting him!!"  
  
The bat fell from Jake's hands and Jake dropped to the person in the Scream outfits side, "Aww jeez I'm sorry buddy," he poked at them but they were obviously out cold, "I think I knocked him out!" he yelled at the other Animorphs who were gathered out the front of his house.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Marco told him, "It's just Ax."  
  
"Oh Okay," Jake dragged Ax's unconscious human form inside and came back with his costume for the Halloween party.  
  
"Jake buddy what the hell is that?" Marco asked him, gesturing to Jake's costume.  
  
Jake help up the sheet he had cut two raggedy holes in, "My homemade ghost costume." He explained.  
  
"Oh sweet Jesus." Marco muttered.  
  
"Well sorry, I couldn't make it to an S-mart in time." Jake protested.  
  
"Why has it got flower pictures all over it?" Tobias asked, who had morphed human for the occasion.  
  
"I couldn't find a plain white sheet so I used this." Jake replied.  
  
And with that the Animorphs and no (pfft) Ax started walking towards the PAR-TAY.  
  
~Chapter Three: Marco~  
  
Ahh, All Hallows Eve, one of the finest Eve's of the year, our little group walked through the streets towards Ben's house where the party was, younger kids scurried past us, trick or treating no doubt, in costumes with bags of candy.  
  
Of course nowadays myself and the other Animorphs were at that precocious age where we were considered to old to trick or treat on Halloween but we still wanted to have a good time, maybe get a costume then egg something or perhaps go to a par-tay as we were now.  
  
Jakes sad attempt at a ghost costume was the exception in our group, Cassie walked beside him dressed in a traditional-looking angel costume, she had already rolled her eyes at my witty comments and lewd suggestions.  
  
Rachel looked as stunning as always, despite my many helpful suggestions over the last couple of weeks over what she should wear (Xena's outfit of course, or if not that then something with leather.) she had gone as a pirate, or piratess or whatever the hell you would call a female pirate, white blouse, bandanna, and a skirt with a hemline that made your heart pound. Damn fine.   
  
There was even a green parrot stuffed-toy perched on her shoulder, I swear Tobias was eyeing that toy bird with envy, seriously strange guy that one. He shouldn't feel to sorry for himself though, judging by the mini skirt I'd put money on him getting a little role-playing later tonight if you know what I'm saying, insert me laughing like Beavis here.  
  
Tobias wasn't in costume, unless he was going as 'Average guy' or something but hey, whatever.  
  
Myself? Well I was Bond, James Bond, well I just think I look damn fine in a tux so if the ladies can't keep their hands off me, well hell, that's their problem, yes tonight will be a night of love if by love I meant wild crazy animal style mad-house..  
  
"Hi Marco." I looked around wildly for the source of the voice. "Down here."  
  
I looked down at my feet, there was a storm drain and below the grating was a smiling clown, "Umm, hey, do I know you?"  
  
"Everyone knows Pennywise kid. Would you like a balloon?"  
  
"Eh, why not, they helium balloons?"  
  
"That's not the set up line."  
  
"Oh sorry, do they float?"  
  
"Why of course they float, everything floats down here, why if you were down here with me, you'd float too."  
  
"Well yes I suppose I would, what an odd thing too say though." I said then thought for a moment "Hey what are you doing down there anyway?"  
  
"Eh, I was out trick or treating with my kid in this stupid outfit and I dropped my keys down this drain." Pennywise signed "Reached down to try and get 'em and fell right in, listen you don't have a phone or something on you do you? I've been stuck down here for about an hour now and I think I'm starting to catch hypothermia."  
  
"Well.." I looked up and noticed the others had taken up the street without me "Shit! Sorry buddy you're on your own." And I ran off.  
  
"Thanks anyway!" I heard him cry after me.  
  
~Chapter Four: Marco~  
  
"Hey Simon, great to see ya! Pete, keeping it real? Hey, T'Shondra, how you doin'?" I was mingling of course, always the charmer, Jake and Cassie had gone off somewhere, Rachel and Tobias were with me, Tobias was already looking twitchy. All that time as a bird made him nervous around people. "Hey Ben! Great party man!" I yelled towards Ben's back.  
  
Ben turned around, he held an open bottle of beer in one hand and an unlit joint in the other, very versatile guy that one. "Hey Marco, how they hanging?" He said then he turned to Rachel and Tobias, looked them up and down, although his eyes seemed fairly intent to stay on Rachel during that exercise and were continually drawn back to her exposed length of leg like a magnet.  
  
Rachel gave Ben one seriously fatal death-stare, I mean literally staring daggers but Ben seemed unfazed, a man would have to be very strong or very drunk to stay so cool, "Damn girl! You look fine." He blurted, yeah I was betting on option number two.  
  
"Umm, excuse me?" The nervous look in Tobias's eyes was replaced by anger, Ben turned to him and looked him over.  
  
"Yeah, you look great too buddy, hang on, I know you from somewhere, aren't you dead or something?" Ben asked Tobias.  
  
"Oh yeah...I am aren't I? Oh well shit happens." Tobias changed back to jittery again.  
  
"Yeah cool." Then Ben's face dawned with realisation, "Whoa dude full on déjà vu!"  
  
"Riiiiight." Rachel stalked off with Tobias following, Ben turned to me.  
  
"So Marco man, how'd things end up going with that lizard chick?" He asked, referring to Toby of course, he had advised me to stick with her after all, some really really really bad advice.  
  
"Not great," I admitted "She was a little rough with me, I ended up in a coma for several months with broken bones, a concussion, the works."  
  
Ben stared at me, a little admiration in his eyes "Dude, you got some." then he was looking past me.  
  
"Matt, take that cigarette outside man." He told a guy who was standing a little behind me, "You think we all want to ruin our lungs with second-hand smoke damage?" Ben lit up his joint as Matt walked off in the direction of the back door, "Some people huh?" Ben asked me and then took a puff.  
  
"Uhh, indeed." Was my reply.  
  
~Chapter Five: Third-person again.~  
  
Matt Fitzgibbon pushed through the throng of drunken teens and into the comparative solitude of Ben's backyard, dragging on his smoke he paced the yard slowly into the further corners where the music from the house was muted and the light didn't reach, the stars seemed particularly bright tonight, almost as if they were enhanced by the residues of some kind of weird space radiation, almost.  
  
He paused for a moment, leaning on the back fence, was that the unearthly moaning of a hideous creature risen up from it's grave to stalk the night and feast upon the living or just the cars on the distant highway? Matt's money was on the cars.  
  
Suddenly there was a rustling in the bushes that adorned Ben's yard, Matt turned with eye's wide with horror, that moaning again, slowly he crept across the lawn, "Probably just a cat." He muttered to the night.  
  
The bushes trembled and he pulled his hand away like he had touched a hot stove, he shook himself and pulled the bushes aside. A scream cut through the still night air.  
  
"Pervert!" Yelled the angry blond with her ankles by her ears and her ass in a shrubbery.  
  
"Hey take a hike buddy! the bedroom was taken already." Explained her enraged boyfriend.  
  
"Sorry, sorry." Apologised Dave, "Go about your business."  
  
But as he turned away, a rotting mockery of a person grabbed him from behind, sunk it's teeth into his neck and ripped away at the flesh, Dave's screams were cut short as blood gurgled out of his mouth.  
  
The copulating couple barely drew breath in surprise before two more zombies broke through the fence behind them and tore into them in a similar fashion to monkeys on cupcakes, blood splattered through the pot plants.  
  
Inside the house their short but desperate screams went unnoticed, drowned out by the mad notes of Cypress Hill, The cliché was only just beginning.  
  
***To Be Continued***  
  
Britz-Now I'm gonna admit something this chapter, not great, it's got some stuff I overhaulled that I like but in places it doesn't seem to know where it wants to be, it's gets better, that ain't ego, that ain't bull to get you back, that's a promise you see I wrote a good shot of this a year ago for Halloween and it didn't go anywhere so I left it but this year I came back to it, this first chapter was mostly a tough edit of the original crap, the rest though? All new. Well you didn't come here to hear my life story you came to review... You did come to review, didn't you? 


	2. It Continues

~Chapter Six: Rachel~  
  
"Hey, baby, you wanna shiver my timbers?" I rolled my eyes and sighed, it was the third time I'd heard that line and I'd only been here twenty minutes.  
  
Tobias was off getting me a drink and looks like short, dark and Cro-Magnon here took that as a sign I was fair game, I pouted and beckoned, he leered and loomed, I put my mouth up by his ear. "Listen shitbrick you put a hand on me I'll make like a pirate and rip off your family jewels, jam them up your treasure chest until you sing 'Bucket o' Blood', we clear?"  
  
"I've never been so turned on, meet me in the broom closet?"  
  
"Fuck off Marco."  
  
"Alright, alright, you can't blame a guy for trying." Marco walked off and immediately started in on another girl, Tobias came up and handed me my drink.  
  
"He bothering you?" He asked seriously.  
  
I smiled "No, just Marco being Marco, y'know."  
  
"Oh I know, too well." Tobias drawled.  
  
I took a sip that slowly turned into a gulp and finally came up for air having worked up my nerve. "Listen, Tobias, I wanted to show you something, in the bedroom."  
  
"Oh?" He paused, his eyes widening, "Oh. You mean?"  
  
I just nodded, he smiled "Well come on then, lets, ah, shiver some timbers ey?"  
  
I laughed and took him by the arm, "Oh you."  
  
~Chapter Seven: 3rd person~  
  
"So then I realised that all present matter is linked intricately through little threads of time and space throughout all previous events and all events yet to come."  
  
"A butterfly flaps it's wings in China, a hurricane starts in America..."  
  
"Precisely, as the slight shift in air current from a butterfly's wings may add little to the change in wind speed resulting in a dramatic change such as a hurricane it is still tied to it, though in a way we cannot fathom and in such a way is all events previously linked to this precise moment in space and time and this moment shall forever be preserved as it is now eternally linked with a plethora of possibilities."  
  
"Man, you are so fuckin' wasted."  
  
Ben laughed and sucked on his joint "Yeah I know, ain't it a way."  
  
The surrounding stoners laughed appreciatively and for no good reason.  
  
"Man, I got me the munchies, I'm making a run to the kitchen." Ben said finally and on the third attempt got up and staggered out of the room.  
  
Apart from a sizable beer can pyramid on the counter and a writhing couple on his kitchen table nothing much was out of the ordinary, "You mind? I eat breakfast there, roll two spaces to your left." The couple obliged and he continued to the cupboard.  
  
As he reached for a bag on Doritos cheese supreme an ominous knocking came from the backyard door BANG, BANG, BANG actually it wasn't so much the knock as the groaning of "Brains, brains, dead by dawn..." that made it a touch unnerving.  
  
Ben looked to the door, to the couple, to the Doritos, to the door, to the couple, to the Doritos, to the door, to the couple, to the Doritos "Hey free bey blade in every pack!" He shook his head "Oh right the door."  
  
He dropped the chips and walked past the couple "Don't get up on my account, I'll get it." He said unnecessarily. When he opened the door Matt stood as if questioning but something was different about him, his skin was grey and mottled and hung off his bones as if two sizes too large, blood had splattered down his shirt, he was still smoking but as he inhaled the smoke drifted out a gaping hole in the side of his neck.  
  
"Soo cold, soo hungry.."  
  
"Damnit Matt I'm not buying it, you wanna smoke you stay outside."  
  
Matt stayed silent, swaying slowly back and forth.  
  
Ben studied him "You feeling ok man? Cause you look like shit."  
  
Matt planted a decaying hand on Ben's chest and shoved, he flew backwards, finally slamming through the can pyramid and sprawling on the kitchen floor.  
  
The couple finally looked up from each other and spied the monstrosity advancing through the door with more at his back "AHH! Zombies!" They screamed.  
  
"Oy, somehow I always knew I'd go this way." Ben moaned.  
  
The zombies descended on the party in their ravenous search for brains, sexy co-eds, and the unique energy signature that the Animorphs provided.  
  
~Chapter Eight: Marco~  
  
"So I said, Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?"  
  
Sitting raptly on the sofa were the Jonson twins, Lisa and Kim, they giggled "You're funny Marco." They simultaneously declared.  
  
"See, sober people don't get me." I said, sending them into fresh peals of laughter, naturally.  
  
As the giggling died off again I grinned and motioned to the girls' outfits, both identical blue gingham dresses and matching blond pigtails. "So exactly who are you girls supposed to be?"  
  
"I'm Dorothy from 'Wizard of Oz' of course." smiled Lisa.  
  
"You're a naughty Dorothy aren't you?" She giggled and blushed.  
  
Expecting an answer as identical as the twins I turned to Kim "And Kim, I got no idea who you're supposed to be."  
  
"I'm Lydia Bennet." Kim replied, "The youngest of the five Bennet daughters in Jane Austin's 19th century feminist novel 'Pride and Prejudice'."  
  
"Uh. . . You're a naughty. . . Feminist chick." Kim giggled. "Listen girls, what say we take this conversation too.."   
  
Suddenly I was rudely interrupted by screaming and moaning from across the room, I looked over as stumbling living dead came bursting into the room, tearing through the drunken party goers.  
  
"Again with the zombies." I turned to the matching pair of hotties, "Hold that thought."  
  
I dashed across the floor and ran straight into Jake and Cassie, Jake whipped off his sheet "Guys, I think we may have a problem."  
  
"Oh gee, well thanks for the update fearless leader, you know for a second there I was wondering about what was going on, but now that I know we have a problem well shit, guess that's sorted out."   
  
"You know I'm really getting sick of your attitude Marco." He stepped aside as a lunging zombie roaring after a young woman came through, "I was just commenting on the situation and I really don't think sarcasm was necessary, or useful."  
  
"Boys." Cassie interrupted, "I think it might be prudent if we maybe moved this conversation elsewhere no?"  
  
"Good point, I thought of it first." Jake agreed. Stumbling up behind him, through the drunken victims and their undead assailants came Ben looking worse for wear.  
  
"Guys, I know this sounds crazy, but I think the dead have come back to life." He said, panting slightly.  
  
"Oh Christ!" I exclaimed and started to turn away.  
  
"No wait." He shook his head, "That's not what I meant to tell you, I think I know what to do, quick, to my bedroom!" And he started away from the living room, "Scuse me, scuse me..."  
  
I looked at Jake, Jake looked at Cassie, Cassie looked at Jake, Jake looked at me, we all shrugged and went to follow.  
  
~Chapter Nine: 3rd person, again, I gotta make a decision at some point this is getting off putting~  
  
The three Animorphs and Ben burst into Ben's room followed closely by groaning masses of the undead, Ben slammed the door behind him. "There, you gotta jiggle the knob a little if you wanna get in, it'll take them a while to figure out, we're safe."  
  
The floor was littered with clothes, posters lined the walls, most notably a 'The Hills Have Eyes' poster adoring his closet door, a lava lamp and sizable bong sat on his desk amongst a scatter of papers.  
  
"Nice room." Cassie muttered "And just what's that on your desk?"  
  
Ben followed her gaze. "What are you an idiot? It's a lava lamp." Her sigh of indignation was interrupted by a horrible moaning sound from by the open window!  
  
"Oh no! Zombie!" Jake squealed.  
  
"Not with my luck." Ben walked over to his bed (which was by the open window, what? What?) "Damnit I told you people, use my parents bedroom or my little bro's converted crib thing, not. My. Room." And he whipped off the sheets.  
  
"Rachel!" Cried Marco.  
  
"Tobias!" Cried Cassie.  
  
"Nice ass!" Cried Ben.  
  
"Perverts! Get the hell out!" Cried Rachel.  
  
"Sorry Sweet cheeks but no can do. The dead have risen, killing, blood everywhere, firm, proud buttocks... Smooth skin... Weird mole on upper thigh..." Ben looked up, "Sorry I lost my train on thought. What's happening again?"  
  
"Zombies!" Jake yelled "And lots of them! With the killing! And the biting! And the obscure movie references!"  
  
"Right now I fail to see the importance." Tobias said with a tremor in his voice, then he groaned sadly "All is lost."  
  
"Now now Tobias." Cassie said, keeping her eyes carefully averted. "We've gotten out of worse than this before."  
  
"That wasn't what I was referring too... Ah fuck it, lets just go." He got up and started pulling on his pants, Rachel wrapped the sheet around her, eyeing Ben suspiciously and begun grabbing for her clothes.  
  
"So what the hell are we gonna do?" Ben asked the others.  
  
"I thought you had a solution!" Marco demanded.  
  
"Oh yeah right, my cousin." Ben said after brief thought.  
  
"I fail to see the part of this that includes help" Rachel muttered.  
  
"Hey hey baby." Ben protested, picking up a mobile phone from his clothes coated floor, "I'll give him a ring-a-ding-ding and we'll just see huh?"  
  
A conveniently short distance away Ben's cousin sat in the darkness, drinking like a deeply depressed fish and ignoring the ringing at his doorbell. He hated Halloween, last year had really been the icing on the cake though, that 'incident' with that unfortunate group of trick-or-treaters, store-bought costumes were just to damn high quality these days, how's a man supposed to know what he's aiming at?  
  
The phone beside him rang and after a moments hesitation he picked it up. "Yeah?" Then listened for a moment.  
  
"Ben, you're not high again are you?" He said finally, listened, "Alright stupid question, but you're sure they're already dead this time right?"  
  
He listened "Okay, I'm on my way." Though there was no strain in his rough voice as he put down the phone he clenched and the receiver snapped in two, He held up his hand, metal, whacked right off a suit of armour it's dented surface caught the moonlight streaming through the window for a moment.  
  
"Damn Deadites, I lose more phones that way."  
  
***To Be Continued***  
  
Britz-Who here recognises Ben's mysterious stranger cousin of debatable fame? No culture those of you who don't, no bloody culture at all. 


	3. One Man And His Boomstick

Britz-First I wanted to take the opportunity to thank my wonderful reviewers, you're all marvellous, simply marvellous, it's good to be writing something again which people actually read, I'd like to thank you all, in song, but it's boring and tedious and needy, and I've generally avoided thanking individuals since my first fic, so, thanks y'all, keep 'em coming.  
  
Disclaimer-Now I'm gonna go on and introduce a brand new character in this one, turning into an irreversible crossover fic, makes the knees chatter right? What's worse is his obscurity, but I want you to know, Ash is not of mine elk (duh) and Animorphs still not mine.  
  
~Chapter Ten~  
  
[This is crazy!] Yelled Marco holding back the undead hordes at the door in gorilla morph [They just keep coming I can't hold them off forever!] He shoved one back with a powerful arm then slammed the door shut, he looked somewhat ridiculous having had the thought enough to remove his tux jacket and shoes before morphing but the rest was in rags that hung off his furry shoulders.  
  
Ben sat on the bed by Cassie "So you're telling me that you guys are these 'Animorphs' people who can turn into animals, and y'all are humanity's only hope against these body snatching slugs from outer space?"  
  
"That's the gist of it."  
  
"And these zombies have probably been risen up using weird space radiation by said slugs in an attempt to kill you guys."  
  
"Be my guess." Cassie said.  
  
"Eh, I'll buy it."  
  
"Really?" She said.  
  
"Not yet but if you pass me that bong from over by the lava lamp I will in a couple of minutes."  
  
A ricocheting set of shots suddenly burst out above the groans of the undead, The Animorphs turned and cocked their ears to the sound.  
  
"What the holy Hell was that?" Rachel asked.  
  
Ben stood up grinning, "That baby, is a boomstick!"  
  
"Really? Sounded like a shotgun to me." Jake remarked  
  
Buckshot ripped through the wall and the zombies could be heard being blown about outside, Marco hit the deck as a shot blew off the doorknob, a booted foot kicked open the door and a solitary figure stepped through, a chainsaw strapped to his side and a smoking shotgun in his metal hand.  
  
"Somebody call for a hero?" Ashley J. Williams asked the quivering Animorphs  
  
  
  
[Maybe, who's asking?] Groaned Marco as he picked himself up.  
  
"Hey." Ash pointed at Marco "That monkey just talked, I'm gonna be asking about that later."  
  
"They'll be time for explanations later." Jake assured him, "Right now we got to get out of here."  
  
"Who's arguing?" Ash watched with wide eyes as Marco demorphed "Uhh, kay, King Kong reckon you can handle this?" He tossed his shotgun to Marco.  
  
"I don't see why not." Marco turned the gun around and looked straight down the barrel.  
  
"Good, keep it covered." Ash said.   
  
A zombie came wandering into the room. "Brains, unique energy signal and braiiinsss..." It groaned, Ash grabbed the bong off Ben's desk and hurled it at the creature, it shattered leaving shards in the creatures face and neck.  
  
"Eww, Bong water.." Marco pulled off a shot and blew its head clear off it's shoulders.  
  
"That's the way kid." Ash turned to the others. "Now, does anyone have anything alcoholic on them?"  
  
They all looked at him a moment then pulled out bottles and flasks of booze. "Kids today." Muttered Ash and he snatched a whiskey bottle off Cassie, grabbed a pair of underwear from the floor and stuffed it down the bottleneck.  
  
He pulled out a Zippo lighter and lit the underwear "Alright ladies on the count of three... Three!" Ash charged out the doorway and hurled the flaming bottle end over end as more zombies clambered over the bodies Ash had racked up on his way in, it exploded sending flame and glass over the creatures.  
  
Ash, Ben and the Animorphs charged through the flaming zombies still intent on attacking them, Ash led the way, kicking them aside, finally they made their way out of the house and sucked in the fresh air.  
  
"Well great." Ben said, "Now Mom and Dad are gonna be so pissed I had a party!"  
  
"Where too now kids?" Ash asked the rest of the group.  
  
Marco pulled off another shot driving back a stumbling zombie, "Anywhere but here sounds good to me."   
  
"I know!" Said Jake, "The Yeerk Pool, lets all go to the Yeerk Pool."  
  
"What the hell's a Yeerk Pool?" Ash asked.  
  
"Wait I wanna change my vote, here is fine." Marco protested.  
  
Zombies exploded from the windows and doors as if shoved by giant hands, some collapsing to the lawn and crawling towards the Animorphs with intent to kill.  
  
"Oh alright, I'm coming." The shotgun roared once more and they ran down the street, as they disappeared from sight two sultry figures stepped through with glowing yellow eyes and blue gingham dresses, simultaneously they turned their heads right and saw the retreating backs of the Animorphs.  
  
"Nobody stands up the Jonson sisters," they both said finally and their glowing yellow eyes narrowed.  
  
~Chapter Eleven~  
  
Officer B.J. Honeyglaze's patrol car rolled down the street and he tapped the steering wheel as he drove, just another noise complaint at some teenage punks party, boring but on Halloween night for the F-F.N.P.D who was complaining? Other cops might as well be cannon fodder, not him on some ol' fashioned narc patrol though, no sir.  
  
His trained cop eagle-eyes spotted something as he turned into the street where the complaint was however "Hey! A Twinkie!" He reached down beside his seat, taking his eyes off the road the precise moment seven people splattered with gore, one carrying a smoking shotgun, another a bloody chainsaw ran through the beam of his headlights and past his car.  
  
He bit into the cream filling and chewed, relishing the sweet taste then polished the rest of it off in two quick bites as he pulled up beside the curb and stepped out of the car, over a twitching rotted corpse stuck in his wheel arch, hitching his belt up under his sizable stomach.  
  
He turned to the house, it was on fire, its windows were blown out and zombies wandered the lawn "Jesus, I oughta call the c.. I mean...Damn." He looked around and grabbed a nearby zombie "Scuse me sir, what happened here exactly?"  
  
"Brains..."  
  
"Brains did this?"  
  
"Brains." It nodded then growled and tackled Honeyglaze to the ground, other zombies joined the fray piling on top of the hapless fuzz.  
  
B.J. screamed as they bit into him, black cracks seemed to emanate then sink into the skin as their venom entered his system, his body seemed to swell, his eminent beer-muscle and gut grew and rippled, his flabby, pink skin seemed to become flabbier and pinker than ever.  
  
Honeyglaze's screams grew hoarser and turned to terrified squeals instead, the zombies drew back as if to observe the monster they had created, Honeyglaze's face seemed to grow outwards and he could hear the bones grinding and changing, he went to put his hands to the rearranging topography of his face but saw before his eyes that the five fingers of each were melding into three thick and stubby ones, tips growing harder.  
  
His mouth and nose had bulged out and turned up into a snout, his eyes shrank back into an overhanging forehead and became black and beady, his hair receded into his skull and his ears climbed up towards the top, becoming pointy.  
  
Honeyglaze's mind was overthrown into a snorting, vicious primal instinct and he leapt to his new trotter-like feet, bowling over two zombies like rag dolls, it was still wearing it's police uniform though now tore through at the seams, it stopped and crouched and seemed to strain a moment "Humph... Humph..."  
  
A curly tail burst out the seat of his pants like a spring and bobbed up and down, the transformation into Werepig was complete.  
  
It looked about and snorted then looked skywards, overhead a full moon glowed down upon the gruesome scene, a small cloud wafted across it's surface and for a moment it appeared the moon had a hole through it's tasty creamy middle, the Werepig squealed with delight.  
  
"Oink! Oink! Oiiiiinnnnnk!!"  
  
The Animorphs plus guests heard this chilling howl and for a moment they stopped and shuddered at the alien delight in it.  
  
[Wh-What was that?] Tobias asked.  
  
"I don't know and I don't wanna know." Ash replied and they took to the foot once more.  
  
"Where did you learn to fight those things anyway?" Rachel asked as they ran.  
  
"Ash sighed, "It's a long story."  
  
"We got time." Jake nodded.  
  
"Well back in the late 80's to early 90's me and my girlfriend and some friends, actually I'm not sure about the friends, did they come or not?" Ash shook his head, "Must have been one of those bumps on the head. Anyway we came across this recording and when we played it there was this weird language on the tape, it woke something up in the woods, they came alive and took Linda, my girlfriend, she came back as a zombie, I had to kill her, lopped her head right off and I don't mind telling you it put a real cramp on our relationship."  
  
"That's rough."  
  
"That's just half of it." Ash said, "I killed her, again, spent another night fighting off zombies and had to cut off my own right hand before it killed me, met evil in the flesh, got sucked back to the middle ages and had to fight against an entire army of the zombies to get back to my own time where the evil dead still follow me to this day."  
  
[Wow.] Tobias said, [Tough break.]  
  
Ash grunted noncommittally and they continued to sprint in silence, hordes of zombies turned and came at them but their uneasy amble was too slow to serve much a threat. Finally it was Cassie who broke the silence.  
  
"Hey I just realised." Cassie said, stopping for a moment "What about Ax?"  
  
"What about Ax?" Marco asked.  
  
"Exactly, we left him back at Jakes place, do you think the zombies found him, if he's alright?"  
  
Outside Jake's places zombies have smashed through doors and windows, an undead fell from one of the top storey window and to the driveway with a strange boneless splat.  
  
[Hey! Hey! What are you gnawing on there? Is it my torso? It is! Hey you now put that back! I need it to live! No! No! NOOOOO!!!] A (suspiciously familiar and somewhat watery) blood geyser blew out the windows and flowed over the lawn into the street [Oh!]  
  
Jake shook his head "I'm sure he'll be fine."  
  
***To Be Continued***  
  
Britz-Oy vey, fear my wrath of crossover shit, plenty more coming up, before Halloween! (Also maybe after, I'm not very good with time management.) Review! 


	4. An American Werepig In America

~Chapter Twelve~  
  
Feet slapping the pavement through scenes of devastation, the zombies were out of control, houses burning down, cars overturned, people being torn apart in the street, it was spring break for the undead.  
  
"This is madness!" Cassie yelled, "They don't even seem to be searching for us, they're just destroying everything in their path!"  
  
"Ghouls just wanna have fun sweetheart." Ash replied "Don't worry, the talking bird told me everything.."  
  
[I have a name y'know!]  
  
"..I know a place of salvation if you will where we can sort out our shit."  
  
"Hey hey!" Jake waved his hand as if asking a question "I believe I'm in charge here."  
  
"Buddy right now you're in charge of precisely two things." Ash growled.  
  
"Jack and shit?" Ben suggested.  
  
"Exactly, and Jack left town, this situation is not in your control, you don't become a deaddite slayer overnight okay? Wait, no, ya do, okay but you haven't so shut your pie hole mister, you can take the animal thing and the alien slugs but the zombies are my department."  
  
"Yes sir!" Jake agreed, eyes shining with admiration.  
  
"Wow, what a man, so aggressive and take charge, a man amongst mice, not like Tobias at all." Rachel sighed.  
  
[Hey I'm flying right here damnit!]  
  
"Sorry, sorry, it's the chin, it just, does it for me."  
  
[Damn, I can't compete with that.] Tobias sighed.  
  
"So where are you taking us then?" Marco asked.  
  
"Right there." Ash pointed with a metal finger at a giant grey cinderblock of a building, a mall that dwarfed it's neighbouring businesses, the 'Overlook Roadside Inn' and this town's Needful Things chain store. Blazed in glowing red over the half dozen glass doors it read 'S-MART: Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart.' "I work here and we can get everything we need inside."  
  
"We're gonna hide out from zombies by barricading ourselves in a shopping mall?" Marco asked.  
  
"What's wrong with that?" Ash said.  
  
"Nothing. ." Marco replied. "Just. . . It's been done."  
  
"Oiiink! Oink Oink! Oiiiiiiiiiiink!!" All heads turned in the direction of the horrendous battle cry, charging down the middle of the road came the Werepig, the presence of the Animorphs was like a fish hook in it's primitive mind and it ran for them trotters pounding the asphalt, shouldering the odd zombie to the ground.  
  
"Cheese it! Cops! No wait.." the Werepig leapt on Ash before he could start his chainsaw, It squealed and laid it's trotters into his face and chest, the saw clanged away, Ash threw in a punch with his metal hand, the Werepig reeled back long enough for Ash to jump to his feet.  
  
The creature paused and considered him with it's black beady eyes, turned it's head and spat out a tusk then came again, it grabbed Ash and swung him around, his head connected full force into a telegraph pole he staggered back dazed, blood pouring from his temple "Jesus how many concussions does that make now?" he stumbled and fell to the sidewalk.  
  
The Werepig sniffed and turned to the Animorphs, It grabbed Ben's shirt and smelled him, no energy so he threw him aside, though he did smell like pot, and his eyes looked a little red, the Werepig made a mental note to hassle him after he'd killed the others.  
  
"Shoot it for Christ's sake!" Rachel yelled.  
  
Marco pulled off a round, the buckshot ripped through the Werepig's uniform around it's right shoulder, it staggered but then pulled it's own sidearm, standard issue Colt. Marco frantically attempted to reload but the Werepig loomed, beating the others who got in his way down.  
  
It grabbed the sawn-off barrel and pulled it off Marco as he finally clicked the shells home, it threw the gun over his head like an afterthought, Marco looked up into it's huffing snout, the Werepig brought up it's .38, thumbed off the safety...  
  
"Here piggie piggie piggie!" Ash called, the Werepig turned snorting in anger, Ash was slowly climbing to his feet "That's right, I ain't done by a long shot, or are your eyes to big for your stomach?"  
  
The Werepig turned completely away from Marco, holstered it's gun and ran for Ash, Ash and his metal fist were waiting, snout bleeding and now at a weird angle it staggered back but it came again, Ash hit it again, The Werepig lashed out and caught Ash on his overcompensating jaw line, then grabbed him and pounded him into a brick wall.  
  
It shoved him into the wall again and again, squealing with delight, Ash dropped to the ground, beside him he spotted something shiny, his Remington he reached out for it... Fingertips on the polished walnut stock...  
  
The Werepig spotted the gun and kicked it away just in time, He pulled Ash up and nutted him with its sloping forehead, Ash flew back, The Werepig came a him but Ash managed to stick his leg up and dig his toes under the creatures gut, Ash let the momentum take the monster, flying over him and smashing through a Krispy Kreme store window.  
  
Ash jumped up and began bouncing like a boxer warming up, "Come on, I ain't done yet, comeon little piggie, you know I eat guys like you for breakfast with two eggs sunny side up, you're damn straight I do, comeon sheriff.. Come on?" Ash peered inside.  
  
The Werepig had found itself behind the counter and was gorging on leftover stale donuts, "Damnit pig! We're in the middle of something! mano a mano battle between man and. . . Pig mutant.. It's a sacred thing! Get your fat ass out here!"  
  
The Werepig looked up to Ash, down to its donuts, then back to Ash eyes gleaming angrily, it dropped the delicious treats and charged for him, tackling him to the ground.  
  
Rachel crawled along the ground, the Werepig had laid her out good, she could feel the bruise swelling on her cheek and the trickle of blood that dripped out her nose into little spots on the asphalt, finally she found it, her hands came across the Remington Marco had lost.  
  
Ash and the Werepig struggled on the ground fighting tooth and nail, Rachel tried to aim but it was impossible without hitting Ash "Ash! Give me a clear shot will'ya?"  
  
He barely heard her but he managed to glance over for a split second and saw her cradling his shotgun, he wriggled his boots up under the creatures armpits and kicked off, it stumbled back allowing Rachel a clear shot, she took it, Ash felt the buckshot rip the air above him and the Werepig stumbled back it's chest gaping but still alive, still standing.  
  
Rachel pumped the gun and with hesitation took aim and fired, Ash looked over head as the power box on the telegraph pole exploded above, light speared out in all directions.  
  
The Werepig's mouth dropped open as the light reflected in his black eyes, it didn't see the power line, cut free by the gunshot and falling fast till the last second when it socked him in the chest, several thousand volts rocked it's body, frying it's skin to crispy perfection.  
  
Ash leapt to his feet as the pig fried, he sniffed the air that was filling with a most delicious aroma "Makin' Bacon." He said finally and with a roundhouse kick he finished it off, the Werepig stumbled back, roasted to perfection, and hit the pavement like so many pork chops.  
  
Rachel rested the gun against her hip and stood triumphant, slowly raised the barrel to her lips and blew the smoke away. "Hail to the queen, baby." Ash looked at her, mouth gaping open, she shrugged.  
  
Under his breath, Ash muttered.  
  
"Christ, what a woman."  
  
~Chapter Thirteen~  
  
Back at Jake's place zombies wandered in and out of the beaten down doors and amongst the chaotic new internal decorating of blood and smashed furniture in their usual wandering zombie way.  
  
In the upstairs main bedroom a zombie with his feet propped up on Ax's carcass chowed down on an Andalite shin bone "Alright what do you want? Leg or a breast?" He asked the zombie stumbling over the body.  
  
The second looked sceptically at his partner "Breast? I didn't know Andalites had breasts."  
  
"Well not usually but that Marco bloke's been feeding him female hormones for a gag."  
  
"Ah. What a card that guy is."  
  
Suddenly with a weird screeching noise and a whipping camera angle Ax came roaring to life, all four eyes pupil-less sour milk white. His tail whipped out and neatly decapitated the second zombie, then grabbed the undead throat of the first and lifted him with his still weak looking yet powerful arm.  
  
[I believe that belongs to me.] He rasped, the zombie held out Ax's missing hoof and Ax took it, lifted up his stump front leg and locked the bone into place with a sound oddly like a shotgun being reloaded. [Thanks much.] and he twisted his now powerful hand to the right, snapping the zombie neck like a twig and he dropped him.  
  
The zombie stumbled back, head lolling from side to side, "Ow you stupid bastard."  
  
[What the..?]   
  
"Well I'm a fucking zombie aren't I? You don't just kill me by snapping my neck" He attempted to grab his head and sit it straight on his broken neck but it slipped off and hung down his shirt again. "Oh yes, thank you very much!"  
  
Zombie Ax narrowed his eyes and his tail whipped out and up, cleaving the zombie from foreskin to forehead. [Better?]  
  
The zombie gasped a little "...Much..." and the two halves broke apart and fell too the ground like so much rotting meat. Ax cracked his neck to the right, then to the left, then all the way and sighed.  
  
[I know I'm bad, but it feels so good.] As if catching a scent in the air he turned, pupil less eyes blazing. [Animorphs....] he breathily growled. [Never did you include me in your little human clique, always 'the Animorphs and Ax did this' 'the Animorphs and Ax did that' sure the billing was great but always the outcast, that David guy, he's considered an Animorphs in what? Five minutes? Ay Karumba...] His voice trailed off.  
  
[Vengeance will be mine!] He cried finally and leapt through the window, landing easily on the ground below and galloping into the night. Zombie Aximili was afoot!  
  
~Chapter Fourteen~  
  
Glass tinkled to the tiled floor as Ash's metal fist pounded through and unlocked the door from the inside, it swung open and the Animorphs shuffled through, he pulled it shut and they all looked at each other as if to say..  
  
[What now?] Tobias said.  
  
"You know how many explosives can be made from everyday household objects you can buy at any local S-mart?" Ash said, he seemed to be looking into space, thinking, "We're gonna build a bomb."  
  
"To what end?" Cassie asked.  
  
"These Yeerks they're whole base of operations underground right?"  
  
"They've got a big Yeerk Pool complex dug out under the town." Jake answered.  
  
"I say we pay it a visit."  
  
"Are you crazy?!" Marco exclaimed, "Listen buddy you may think your hot shit with your severed hand and your big chin but we know a little something about fighting a war alright? Going down there now? With the five of us, you, your stoner cousin and a handful of homemade explosives? That's suicide."  
  
"Don't talk to me about suicide missions kid, I once went up against an army of the undead led by an evil version of myself with sixty primates, some gunpowder and a '73 Delta Oldsmobile, this'll be a walk in the park." Ash sneered.  
  
"Bu.. Ah.. Uh. . . . Eh." Marco tried and failed to protest, finally he sighed.  
  
"Sorry Marco but the man's credentials are clearly spotless." Jake patted Marco's defeated slumping shoulders, then got the light in his eyes, "Yes a true leader of men, why if only someone such as I could aspire, a great man, determined, rugged and a touch of wild, if only someone could tame him.." He shuddered with a smile.  
  
"Umm, Jake, could you, y'know, stop rubbing my shoulder like that, it's creepy."  
  
Jake snapped out of it, "Oh, sorry Marco."  
  
"Alright, Jake and Cassie, you know your way around the nursery section?" Ash asked.  
  
"Do I!" Cassie replied.  
  
"Then I want you to load up some bags of chemical fertilizer, two wheelbarrows full should do it."  
  
"Got'cha chief." Jake saluted.  
  
Ash eyed him "Yeah.. Remember, get the chemical kinds of fertilizer, the other crap, well just the crap, is useless for bomb making."  
  
"For a big hit, hold the shit, right on." Jake agreed.  
  
"Will you get outta here." Jake and Cassie took off. "Ben and King Kong, I need you boys to grab some cleaning products, flammable stuff, Ben you know the drill."  
  
"You got it cous."  
  
"And Rachel, would you care to accompany to Sporting Goods? I'll probably be needing more ammo before too long."  
  
"Do you even need to ask?" Rachel smiled.  
  
[Ahem-hem.] Tobias coughed loudly, [How about me Ash, where should I go?] His feathers were bristling as his hawk glare went from Ash to Rachel.  
  
"Oh yeah, you know you'd think I'd be able to remember a talking bird huh?"  
  
[We went through this, my name's Tobias and I'm a human trapped in the body of a bird, remember?]  
  
"Okay, spare me your life story, just, fly cover, jeez." Ash said.  
  
"Now now Tobias, we're all adjusting" Rachel cooed, barely taking her eyes off Ash, she turned fully to him "Shall we?"  
  
Tobias intensified his glare and was about to talk back when twin screams cut through the air like a loud, piercing knife, they were coming from Jake and Cassie's direction, an unmistakable high pitched mindless glass breaking screech of terror, accompanied by a deeper rounder yell that Tobias easily took for Cassie.  
  
Ash turned to Rachel and nabbed his gun, "Hold that thought." He raced off across the linoleum.  
  
***To Be Continued*** 


	5. Sex, Violence, Drugs, Death, Guns, Gore ...

Britz-Now I got to tell you something about this chap, just when you think shit couldn't get more confusing this chapter is no longer in sequential order, think of it as Pulp Fiction but harder to swallow, it's obvious but I figured since if you've enjoyed this fic enough to read so far you've obviously got some kind of mental defect so I better spoon feed you this shit, so sue me, I got sick of sensical timelines, wanted something different and it all comes together in the end, I promise.  
  
Disclaimer- I'm warning you now, this chapter has some right sick, evil, demented shit in it, I know it, you'll know it so there ain't much point complaining if you're the one who's gonna be reading it.  
  
~Chapter Fifth teen~  
  
Jake and Cassie gently nudged open the doors of the gardening department, it looked like a small forest inside dappled ferns hanging over the path, potted trees lining the walk and somewhere the gentle sound of lapping water, in the light of day it would've been an effective selling tool, on a zombie infested All Hallows Eve however it was just plain..  
  
"Creepy." Cassie remarked, Jake nodded in agreement.  
  
They tiptoed through the plants, "Jesus what's that smell?" Jake asked.  
  
Cassie spied a looming pile. "Paydirt."  
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Paydirt, it's the name of this fertilizer brand, we also got 'Food of the Triffids' and 'I Can't Believe It's Not Bullshit'."  
  
Then a snarl ripped through the air and a stumbling member of the undead rounded the bags of fertilizer and came at them. Jake and Cassie screamed to shatter glass and grabbed for each other.  
  
"Hahaha!" It laughed, "And the other zombies laughed when I told them I'd spend my night waiting for victims in the S-mart nursery section behind bags of fertilizer, but I knew you'd come, oh yes I did! Me! Hahahahaha!" Then shots rang through the air, ripping apart the zombie's torso. "Aww raspberries."  
  
It whirled around to face Ash, standing defiantly with his smoking boomstick "Sorry buddy, I think you're looking for beauty products, Isle 12." He swung the gun around old West style and sheathed it.  
  
"Now that's just mean, I can't help this grey/green complexion, goes with the undead thing."  
  
"Doesn't mean you can't look your best." With a liquid movement Ash grabbed a shovel from a rack beside the path, ran at the zombie and swiped the edge at it's neck. The rather surprised looking head flew off into some spider web ferns, the body collapsed. "There, much better." Ash looked at the shovel and then down at the body, "Well this brings back some unhappy memories."  
  
"Ahh, sorry 'bout that, we'll get to loading up these wagons with fertilizer then?" Jake asked, pointing at some nursery shopping carts.  
  
"You do that. I'm gonna be on the other side of the store, so if you're gonna scream, scream loud." Ash took one more look at the shovel then hurled it away and walked off.  
  
The shovel spun through the air, turning, turning with a lazy 'whoop... whoop...' noise as it gained height then it reached the top of it's arc and spiralled down, the spade part, coated with zombie blood plummeting, looking like a plunging arrow then it drove itself into the heart... of a potted shrubbery.  
  
"Alright lets start loading up the carts." Jake said. "Which has got the highest chemical to poop ratio?"  
  
The shovel stood still and defiant, buried deep in the root system of the shrubbery, wet zombie blood trickled down into the dirt... wet, infected, zombie blood... infected.... With that weird mutagen of unpredictable and hilarious consequence...  
  
"I Can't Believe It's Not Bullshit has Triptophaine14 and high traces of Zygoten8, that sound explosive to you?" Cassie replied.  
  
Jake shrugged and picked up a bag "Aww, this crap's heavy.. And squishy." He dumped the bag into the cart suddenly there was a soft cracking noise from the other side, like a pot being forced apart from the inside. "Wha.. What was that? Another zombie?"  
  
There was a slithering noise from that direction, something rushing across concrete floor, more cracking, more slithering, Jake and Cassie backed up till their butts made gentle contact with the giant pile of bags of crap. "I got a sneaking suspicion." Cassie remarked "That this is gonna be worse."  
  
Vines blew out of the wall of ferns and whipped around the pair. trees blew apart in showers of leaves, branches twisting into more vines that whipped about like snakes in the air. bulging above the others came a mass of branches and leaves that seem to curve almost into a vague face shape, like an ill-considered decorative hedge.  
  
"It's.. A shrubbery!" Jake cried, dramatic music rose and fell in the air, paying tribute to a movie that has nothing to do with this genre!  
  
The giant shrubbery face looked down on them, seemingly focusing with only empty, leafy sockets on the slim, toned, attractive-if-you're-into-that-tomboy-look form of Cassie still clad in her stark white angel robe, it seemed to pause and lick it giant shrubbery lips with a huge leaf tongue.  
  
"Gimme some sugar baby." Vines whipped around her waist and tangled up her arms and legs before pulling her screaming into the air.  
  
"Hey buddy! Hands off my girl!" Jake protested.  
  
"Take a hike squeak." The shrubbery told him, a branch the size of a sapling whipped out from it's strange leafy mass and struck Jake, sending him flying over the nursery, he crunched too a landing.  
  
"YEE-Ow-OWW!" He screamed "Help! I landed on some cactuses! Wait that don't sound right, Cactussi? No wait, I think it's Cacti. . . And a rake!"  
  
Cassie looked like Fay Wray in the grasp of King Kong, had he been an enormous Chia pet. "Oh God, please don't eat me! I have fertilizer! Tasty fertilizer!"  
  
"Oh yeah honey." Boomed the giant shrubbery sarcastically "I was born a self pollinating species of plant, and the first woman I see when I become a giant monster plant I'm gonna eat."  
  
"Well what are you looking to.. Oh." Cassie stopped, "Ooh noo, I'm not that kind of girl!"  
  
"Aww Come on, I always took you for a tree hugger."  
  
"Yes, friendly hugs that's as far as it went I swear!"  
  
The giant shrubbery smiled condescendingly and slipped a vine inside her top.  
  
"No.. No, wait.. softer, little too the left."  
  
The enormous plant bristled "Damnit woman! Let me get my rhythm on!"  
  
Cassie rolled her eyes "Well 'sorry' didn't know you were so 'sensitive'."  
  
"Stop talking! You're putting off my game!"  
  
As if working in time-lapse photography skinny branches seemed to grow up and entwine in Cassie dress, then when it was completely snagged they pulled apart, ripping the dress to shreds of white material and leaving Cassie in her matching good girl white bra and panties.  
  
The beast slipped the vine out from underneath her bra and slid around her back "Aww man, so many hooks.." Another couple of vines joined the fray "Bloody hell. Why couldn't I have mutated me some thumbs..?" Finally the bra came off and fluttered to the ground.  
  
Jake came up rubbing his various cuts "Hey, when did you get that piercing?" Another massive branch swatted him away like an irksome bug "OW-HAOW! I think I landed on a pitchfork this time!"  
  
Two vines entwined up Cassie's long smooth legs, slipping under her underwear and pulling it apart. Eyes wide Cassie shook her head mutely "... Oh no... No..."  
  
"Aww yeah." grinned the giant Shrubbery a vine snapped out of it's mass and headed straight for her like a guided missile, Cassie's whole body seemed to tighten with it's thrust. Gently the vines laid her back to the concrete and began pumping away.  
  
"Oh yeah, how do you like my mighty oak huh? How do you like my weed-whacker huh bay-bee huh? Bet you're pretty happy with all that plant gro they feed me now huh?"  
  
"Oh not happening, not happening." Cassie eyes stared off into space "No no n.. N.. N.. Yes! Yes that's the spot! Oh God yes!"  
  
VRROOM!! Roared a diesel engine from by the door, Ash stood defiant, clouds of blue smoke rising from his chainsaw "Alright beastie, it's harvest time!"  
  
"Fucking cockblock!" Raged the leafy monstrosity, vines flew through the air, Ash twirled away from them, bringing around his chainsaw and ripping through the fighting foliage, twisted vines fell to the ground and flopped about helplessly, a huge hand shaped branch came at him and he brought his Excalibur up, bits of twig and stick flew through the air and the creature roared in surprise and pain.  
  
Cassie meanwhile used the distraction to unwind herself from the limpening vines holding her down, then looked fearfully down between her legs, pity he was a giant psychotic rapist shrubbery, they could have really had some thing there, she gripped it and the plant's attention was suddenly back to her "Hey, I ain't done with you yet! Damn woman, you have your fun and leave me hanging.." The vine twisted itself tightly around her ankles and he turned back to Ash who was tearing through the plants weird garden body.  
  
Through a flourish of leaves and blue smoke he stood above her "Sorry, I interrupt something between the two of you?"  
  
"Well my big O isn't going to turn up now so you might as well help me."  
  
"Your call baby." And Ash brought the chainsaw up and blazed through the vine binding, the shrubbery roared loud enough to rattle the windows.  
  
"Oh you sick bastard! You son of a bitch Lorena Bobbit wannabe you cut off my pollinating gland!!"  
  
"I didn't know you were Jewish." Cassie remarked, Ash snatched her up before dozens of branches and vines whacked down and ripped at where they had been moments before. The rolled into a huge display case of pesticides and various chemical, cans and sprays fell to the ground Ash pounced on them.  
  
"Come on.. Come on.." He murmured sorting through them finally he picked one up aerosol can 'Roundup' "Yes!" Ash remarked as he spotted the tiny flammable signal, he pulled off the cap and spray it then whipped out his Zippo lighter and lit the fumes, the tiny flame blazed about and sucked itself down the little spray hole. Ash stood up holding the smouldering can.  
  
"Hey Shiteater, your ass is grass."  
  
"Yes and my appendix is that rose bush what's your.. Oh God no!" The shrubbery yelled as Ash hurled the smoking Roundup into it's leafy maw, it exploded with a flash of orange and the plant creature immediately started blazing.  
  
"Ahh! All I wanted was a booty call!" Yelled the burning bush, "Oh what a world what a world!" it crashed to the ground, sending smouldering ash and flaming leaves spiralling towards the ceiling.  
  
Ash coughed at the smoke and ran a hand through his hair "Kills, weeds, dead."  
  
"Uh, thanks Ash." Cassie said, sitting up and rubbing her head.  
  
"Yeah! You're a saint!" Jake yelled from somewhere in the nursery, voice cracking slightly.  
  
"Jake are you okay?" Ash called.  
  
"Oh, ow, yeah fine."  
  
"Good, keep loading up the fertilizer."  
  
"Can do Mr Williams sir."  
  
Ash turned to Cassie, blatantly catching an eyeful, "Whats say we get you to Woman's Wear?"  
  
"Yeah." she shakily got to her feet, "Little help?" Ash put his arm around her bare shoulder and they waddled out, Cassie decidedly bow-legged.  
  
"You gonna be okay there?"  
  
"Physically, though I pity the man who has to follow that act."  
  
Minutes later Cassie picked out a set of clothes in her size off the rack and dressed in the isle, she noticed Ash watching her carefully, "You mind? Little privacy?"  
  
"Babe I don't think you got anything new for me to see, but sorry, I'm just thinking about the transference of genetic material."  
  
"That's a romantic way of putting it."  
  
"No, you see, back when my life was first going to Hell one of the girls I was with wandered into the forest, came back a zombie, it didn't show at first though, I'm just wondering.." A yell interrupted, Rachel's voice calling his name, Ash stopped in mid-sentence, a demonic squawk cut the air "Kee-RAWK!!" and he was off without another word.   
  
Cassie half started after him but her knees still felt like jelly and collapsed to the ground instead, she groaned, it felt almost like something was squirming about inside her.  
  
"Bastard pot plant, bet he won't even call now." She slumped unconscious.  
  
~Chapter Sixteen~  
  
They stood worried as gunshots cracked, Rachel half started, Tobias nearly took to the wing, but Ash finally blew out of the frosted glass doors.  
  
"You okay?" Marco asked.  
  
"Everything's fine, I just thought this place would be secure but maybe a couple of zombies slipped through other ways, you two go find the shit we need, Aisle Four, but for God's sake keep your eyes open."  
  
"You got it boss-man." Ben said, He and Marco marched off, "Hard ass." one of them muttered.  
  
Ash offered Rachel his arm "Shall we ma'am?"  
  
Rachel laughed and took his arm, "Lead the way." They walked towards Sporting Goods, Tobias narrowed his eyes and flapped off to land on Rachel's shoulder between their heads.  
  
[Gee this is cosy.] He announced and glared at Ash, Ash glared back, as they disappeared down the aisle both were so concentrated on the other that no one noticed the two female figures that approached the store doors.  
  
The matching Jonson sisters still in their matching blue gingham, their fierce eyes observed the smashed glass where they had broken in, then looked at the other "They went in here." Lisa said.  
  
"I concur." Kim replied, they concentrated on the locks again, achingly the bolt slid out it's rest and the doors swung open, letting in a draft that blew several leaves onto the glass sprinkled floor as two identical pairs of black shoes stepped inside, The Jonson sisters turned to their left, towards the nursery then in the same moment their heads snapped to the right where Marco and Ben had disappeared into the shelves.  
  
"Thisaway." Kim said.  
  
"Ditto." Lisa replied.  
  
Matching black shoes clocking on the linoleum, matching gingham dress swishing around their undead but still perfect rears, identical blond pigtails trailing over their shoulders Lisa and Kim marched towards the trace signal of Marco's energy, nobody, but nobody stood up the Jonson sisters.  
  
They got to Sporting Goods and Ash vaulted over the hunting counter, it was a glass cabinet filled with hunting knifes and box after box of ammunition, the wall behind was lined with hunting rifles and shotguns.  
  
"Locked, this is gonna take some finesse." Ash said after inspecting the back of the cabinets, he hopped back up, looked down through the glass and ploughed his metal fist through the top, Tobias winced at the sound.  
  
[Y'know you're bloody liable to set off alarms like that.]  
  
Ash looked at him, "We don't have alarms, but then, I'd know something like that wouldn't I? Plus think the cops 'round these parts are gonna have more shit on their hands than they can handle tonight already, out fighting zombies or checking kids candy for razor blades, All Hallows Eve, magical night innit?" He began stuffing boxes of buckshot into his pockets with a certain childlike greed.  
  
"Hmm, his eyes fell on a particularly large hunting knife, at least a foot long in all, he already had his chainsaw but it didn't hurt to spoil himself once in a while, he grabbed the knife and leather sheath and jammed it into his belt on his left hip, just above where his chainsaw hung in it's scabbard.  
  
He looked up at the expectant Rachel and Tobias who had flapped on top of one of the shelves and glared at him possessively, "For the lady?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Ma'am you look like a gal ready to go on out and bag yourself a serious trophy, I got just the thing." He turned around and after brief consideration plucked a particularly fine gun from the wall "Mossberg 500 Tactical" He said as he turned back, "It's a beautiful gun and no denying, perfect for a lady on the go such as yourself."  
  
"Oh, I don't know if I should, I usually just morph."  
  
"I saw you with that gun in your hands and I thought now there's a woman who can handle her boomstick."  
  
"You really think so? It's never appealed to me before, I like the personal approach."  
  
"Maybe you just haven't wrapped your hands around the right calibre just yet." Ash hoarsely whispered, Tobias still stared, hearing every word. Ash stepped back, "This baby comes with the 590 heatsheild and Ghost Ring sights, it's chambered for.410m, weighs a little over three kilos, here, hold her, see how you like the feel." He handed the gun to her.  
  
Rachel nodded, "Feels good." she admitted, "I can see how you get along here."  
  
"House wares is still my calling ma'am but it doesn't hurt to know a little bit about everything, she's a beaut I tell you a real beaut, carries seven in an under barrel magazine just there, I tell you if a gun was about to pry me away from the Remington it would be a Mossberg."  
  
"You're a good salesmen but I'm just here to use the bathroom." She smiled.  
  
"So don't make your decision now, I just want you to keep in mind." His face was very close to hers at this point "That there are, always, other options." She nodded mutely.  
  
[Yeah say that's great Ash, gee look at the time, maybe you should check on the others.]  
  
Ash turned from Rachel and smiled thinly at him, "Actually you probably should." Rachel said.  
  
"Your wish is my command." With a hand resting on the butt of his chainsaw he walked around the counter and down the aisle, towards the nursery once more "You guys see anything you like just go on and spoil yourself, I'm getting a great employees discount tonight." He called before turning the corner.  
  
As he wandered down the front of the store, his mind grinding slowly he walked past the open doors without a thought and towards the nursery, stopping in confusion before he reached the door, it sounded almost like someone was having sex in there, slowly, carefully he pushed the door open.  
  
[Well do you find him attractive?]  
  
Rachel was staring down the barrel of the Mossberg, she spun to him and he was staring straight down the guns bore, he fluttered a moment in disquiet, "What?"  
  
[Ash. Do you find him attractive?] Tobias repeated.  
  
"Well, I guess, sure some people might say he's attractive, you know, if you're into that whole rugged, manly, unshaven, brawny, alpha male look."  
  
[Oh and you're not?] Tobias sneered.  
  
Rachel put the gun to her side and looked at him seriously "I'm dating you aren't I?"  
  
Tobias took a beat or two to think that one out. [... Oh, ha ha, very droll.]  
  
"I thought so."  
  
Silence drew out into the minutes as Rachel inspected the cabinet, poking at the boxes of ammo and admiring the various knifes while Tobias watched her and preened with a vengeance.  
  
[You really believe his whole story?]  
  
"What, the cabin and the living forest and that whole time travel bit?" Rachel asked.  
  
[Yeah, seems a little suspect too me.] Tobias answered.  
  
"Hey, we're living proof stranger things can and will happen."  
  
[I still don't like it, sounds like the plot for some bad cult B-movie.]  
  
"Uh-huh, uh-huh." Rachel said, concentrating far more on loading the Mossberg (just to see how it felt of course, she told herself, she wasn't so smitten with him to change her fighting ways, yet.)  
  
[You're not listening too m..] suddenly something had dropped from the heavens and landed with a splat of Tobias' head [Gaa! What the hell is this?] He flapped about and squawked loudly in sudden panic, this at least caused the slimey question mark, it felt like the drool of some terrible beast to Tobias, to slid off and disappear into the shelves. He flew to the ground wildly, scanning the ceiling for whatever might have dropped but could see no Alien-esque beastie waiting for it's chance to drop and turn his ass into Kentucky fried.  
  
Rachel dropped the gun and ran to him "Tobias? Are you okay? What happened?"  
  
Tobias breathed, [Something, I don't know what, dropped on my head.] Rachel knelt down and examined him, his feathered head was streaked with red stripes.  
  
"It looks, like, like blood or something, a big drop of blood?" She stammered.  
  
[I guess, God I got the taste in my mouth now, blood, and something else, something familiar. . . Bleh.]  
  
"Sure your okay?"  
  
[I'm fine, I'm fi. .] Suddenly his little body racked with convulsions. [Aww shit, I ain't fine.] Black cracks seem to swarm up amongst his feathers for a moment the subsided, he collapsed, seemingly unconscious.  
  
"Tobias?" Rachel prodded at his side gently then drew back quickly as his body seemed to be swelling all over "Are you morphing?" But it didn't look like morphing, he appeared to be blowing up like a balloon, she got up, stepped back, rolls of flesh seemed to rise and fall under his feathery skin, his body was becoming bloated. "T-Tobias?"  
  
Finally he looked up at her and she gasped in shock, his neck now stood out repulsively and his face seemed to have devolved to a previous point in history with a streamlined somehow reptilian head shape, his eyes rolled back to complete yellow, his beak was longer, bigger and serrated into saw tooth edges.  
  
He jumped onto his feet, claws just as fierce before but now even bigger and considered her, his wings had not grown with his bloated body and remained stunted little mockeries [Polly want... Your soul!!]  
  
He leapt into the air his wings exploded outwards, feathers flying in all direction in a microsecond they had expanded to giant leathery bat wings, easily six foot from tip to tip, that would have looked more at home on a dinosaur from Earth's ancient past.  
  
"Ash! ASH!!" Rachel yelled barely realising she was doing it.  
  
"Kee-RAWK!!" Screeched the monstrosity as it took off, flapping those huge powerful wings effortlessly for lift it came swooping down, she dived just in time to avoid having her face taken off, Tobias continued on, smashing apart a stand of sunglasses as he went.  
  
"Asssshh!!" Rachel screamed, morphing would be useless to her; she'd be defence less against this monster if she tried, she dropped and rolled, what could she do? Then she spotted it, sitting right in front of her was the Mossberg 500, right where she'd dropped it when she ran for Tobias, loaded and ready to go.  
  
She grabbed and heaved herself up, chambering a shell, "Pull!" She fired off a shot, it smacked Tobias dead on, he flew through the air, blood and feathers fluttering about him he nearly fell from the air but kept steady.  
  
Ash ran to the end of the aisle, for a moment unable to compute what he was seeing, around the roof rafter a swelled and mutated Tobias flapped about, Rachel pulled off three shots in quick succession, two connected dead on, one punching into his stomach the other ripping through the membrane of his wing but still he flew.  
  
[Bombs away bitch!] It screeched and dive-bombed her, one claw knocked the gun out her grasp and it skittered over the floor, the other ripped a deep furrow in her left shoulder, she was forced to the ground by his beating leathery wings, Ash started for her and the mutant Tobias spotted him.  
  
[You! Try and steal my girl will'ya?]  
  
Ash stumbled back, "Ah sorry man, I was y'know, unclear on the guy rules if the girl's dating a bird."  
  
[Human in bird's body! Damnit, y'know, I can be human sometimes.]  
  
"See! See! I did not know that." Tobias let out a screech of anger and dived at him, Ash pulled out his Remington but it was knocked from his grasp when Tobias hit him full pelt in the chest.  
  
Ash's world became one of scratching claws and beating wings, Tobias sunk his ferocious claws into his belly and pecked at his face with that serrated beak, Ash pushed his arm between his body and Tobias, his metal fingers were grasping for the hunting knife but he just couldn't reach, crushed under the weight of the bloated maddened mutant.  
  
Rachel ignored the gushing pain in her shoulder and slowly she crept up behind Tobias, she found the Mossberg and waited till she was right behind him, staring down his puckered little bird rectum, she drew back the gun and shoved mightily.  
  
Tobias pupil-less eyes bulged til they nearly fell right out of his ugly head, Rachel's finger tightened on the trigger "See how you like it stuck there honey!" She yelled, the explosion of the gun was deafening, feathers flew outwards in a cloud. When they cleared however Tobias still stayed in one piece, absolutely motionless perched on Ash's stomach, a look of utter shock on his pointed face, all his feathers were fluttering to the ground as he was now as bald as a plucked chicken.  
  
Rachel drew back the Mossberg with an audible pop, Tobias didn't even flinch, after a moment or two however a small lump travelled up his scraggly throat, he hoarsely coughed a puff of smoke, his jaw remained dropped open as if unhinged, a pellet of buckshot dripped out of his beak and onto Ash's chest, followed by a second, then a third that rolled off Ash's side to the ground.  
  
[. . .Ouch. . .]  
  
Tobias's eyes glazed over and a little rivulet of blood began to run out of his beak, he rocked to the side and smacked the ground, about as threatening as a Thanksgiving dinner.  
  
Ash climbed to his elbows and looked at Rachel, bleeding, beaten, clutching her Mossberg, "You okay?"  
  
"Nothing a quick morph won't fix, you?"  
  
"I've shook off worse."  
  
A long silent minute ticked out.  
  
"Is it wrong to be turned on right now?"  
  
"Little bit, yeah."  
  
"Yeah, I thought as much."  
  
~Chapter Seventeen~  
  
"So what are we looking for anyhow?" Marco asked Ben as they wandered down the aisle.  
  
"Well ya see the chemical fertilizer is great fuel for bomb making but it still needs a smaller explosion to trigger it into exploding, we're looking for the trigger." Ben said, he stopped, grabbed a can off the shelf and pointed to the flammable symbol. "This'll do, well that's enough work, smoko break."  
  
He sat down and leaned against the shelf, Marco squatted beside him, Ben rummaged through his pockets and finally found what he was looking for, a prerolled fatty and a little book of matches, he seemed to think for a moment then handed them to Marco, "Here, you wanna do the honours?"  
  
Marco took the stuff, shook his head and instead stuck them in his jacket pocket, "Nah man, listen are you sure that this is the stuff we need cause maybe we should check."  
  
"You don't trust my judgement?"  
  
"Ben, you're a fried out stoner asshole."  
  
"Yeah that's true."  
  
Marco sighed and sat down next to him, leaned back and was considering taking the joint back out his pocket, when a ringing voice in stereo sounded from the end of the aisle.  
  
"Marco." He jerked up and looked in the direction of the voices, the Jonson sisters were standing their, holding hands and still dressed in their gingham but now looking as if they were lit up with some demonic light at their backs.  
  
"Marco. Come play with us Marco."  
  
Marco and Ben slowly rose to their feet and stared, mouths gaping.  
  
Within a blink it seemed the girls teleported to bridge half the distance between them, they looked from one to the other simultaneously, "Marco.. Ben.. Come play with us, come play with us Marco and Ben."  
  
"Uhh, okay, what's your game, Chess? Monopoly?" Marco asked.  
  
The girls giggled but it was no longer a sweet innocent sound, it was a demonic tinkling, evil and yet somehow more seductive, both put their right index fingers to their pouting lips and sucked gently on the tips, "Come play with us, come play with us, forever, and ever, and ever, and ever.."  
  
"Hey if you got the money I got the time girls." Interrupted Ben, still wide and starry eyed.  
  
The girls were smiling matching predatory grins at this point and Marco couldn't help but notice how long and wolf like their canines were, all almost two inches long, they looked at one another with evil glee then back to the boys, another split second and they had bridged the rest of the distance and were standing right in front of them, both grabbed the front of the boys' shirts and pulled them closer.  
  
"I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!" Growled Lisa, holding Marco.  
  
Kim shrugged, "I'll spit." She admitted and both pulled them to the floor.  
  
"Gah! OH! OW!! Oh man that's good!!"   
  
Sweating, heaving minutes later the four lay entangled on the linoleum floor.  
  
"That was.. Different.." Panted Lisa.  
  
"Yeah, that 360 head spin thing, you do that with all the guys?" Marco asked.  
  
"No I was just caught in the moment." She replied  
  
"Dude." Ben held up his hand, Marco grinned and high fived him.  
  
"OhmyGod, you guys are pigs!" Kim said "I can't believe I gave you my flower!"  
  
Lisa looked over "OhmyGod, will you please stop calling it that? You are such a goody goody."  
  
"And you are such a bitch, get out of my face."  
  
"Please." Lisa turned to Marco "Call me." And the girls disappear in two flashes of light.  
  
"Ouch, they couldn't have just walked off?" Marco asked, "That singed hair in delicate places."  
  
"Yeah but it beats pillow talk I spose." Ben said, he grabbed at his crotch and pealed off his rubber "Good thing I wear one of these at all times."  
  
Marco looked Ben up and down, Ben did the same to Marco.  
  
"No eye contact for three weeks." Marco said finally.  
  
"Agreed."  
  
Marco eyed the condom, "Oh Christ, will you get rid of that thing? It's dripping hymn blood."  
  
Ben looked at it, a drop of blood dripped off, fell to the floor and began to sizzle and eat away at the white linoleum, "Ahh yeah sure." He tied a knot in the top and flung it over the shelves.  
  
"There, now.." He stopped, from the direction Ben had thrown too there was the sound of panicked squawking.  
  
[Gaa! What the hell is this?] They heard Tobias' yell.  
  
Marco shook his head, "They ask, we don't know nothing, lets get dressed."  
  
***To Be Continued***  
  
Britz-Christ, you gotta write me a review just to let me know who got through that monster, bloody hell that was rough, think I'll go lie down for a while, scuse me. 


	6. Winners Do Light Drugs, Apparently

Britz-Congratulations go to ha, sole reader to make it as far as chapter 5 and still have the strength left to review, y'all could learn a lot from this sexless noun.  
  
Disclaimer-Hell we ain't gonna beat out chapter five, do your worst.  
  
~Chapter Eighteen~  
  
Marco and Ben wandered out of the aisle just As Jake was shouldering out of the nursery section with a wheelbarrow piled high with compost.  
  
"What happened to you?" Marco asked, indicating Jakes ripped and bloody clothing.  
  
"Horny mutant bush." Grunted Jake.  
  
"No kidding, we hit some of that ourselves." Ben nodded.  
  
"Wha..?" Jake started when gun blasts rumbled like thunder in the air, all three spun around eyes wide with fear they simultaneously dived behind a check out counter.  
  
minutes passed of shooting and yelling and a god awful screeching noise when it finally fell silent with a final gunshot, the boys crouched behind the counter let the silence beat away.  
  
"Go check it out Marco." Jake said finally.  
  
"No way, you check it out."  
  
"Just, give it a look."  
  
"Lets look together."  
  
"Kay."  
  
Slowly and carefully they peeked over the top, for a moment there was only the painfully empty shopping aisles and just as they began to rise two figures limped around a corner from Sporting Goods, Rachel and Ash both as bloody and bedraggled as Jake.  
  
Jake and Marco hesitated for a moment then eased themselves out from behind the counter, "Hey guys." Marco said, "What the hell was that? Where's Tobias?"  
  
"Dead." Rachel answered coldly, "Or similar."  
  
"Where's Cassie?" Ash asked, "I thought she'd be back here by now."  
  
"I thought she was with you." Jake replied.  
  
"I left her in Woman's Wear." Ash said.  
  
Rachel turned to the darkness of the S-mart main and began to call Cassie's name.  
  
"Hey, where's Ben?" Ash asked.  
  
"He's right he.." Marco turned and realised Ben had not risen from behind the counter, "Ben you can come out now.. Ben?"  
  
A wavering hand made its way up and grabbed the little conveyor belt on the counter and closely behind Ben pulled himself up looking rather pale and weak. "I-I don't feel so good man."  
  
Marco crept cautiously closer, "What's the matter with you?"  
  
"My shoulders." Weakly Ben pawed at his shirt and pulled the collar down to expose a left shoulder riddled with black cracks. They seemed to be spreading out from two little puncture wounds in his neck.  
  
"How'd you.. Did you let her bite you?" Marco asked.  
  
"I thought she was just being kinky." Ben groaned, "You don't wanna know where else it hur.. Hur.." Ben's breath hitched violently and he stumbled about for a moment, eyes rolling back in his skull and with final shudder he collapsed out of sight.  
  
"Ben!" Ash yelled and began jogging over when Ben leapt into the air... And stayed there, hanging several feet above the stand of gum and impulse items, his skin a sickly corpse yellow, his eyes flipped to sour milk white, cackling and brimming with unearthly energy.  
  
"Dead by dawn! Dead by dawn!"  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" The others yelled and they turned tail and ran into the aisles with zombie Ben swooping and screeching at their heels, as they stumbled into Woman's Wear Ash turned in hope for a clear shot but Ben had disappeared into thin air.  
  
"Oh I don't like this.." Ash said, stumbling backwards, the others were walking slowly, looking in all directions at once it seemed but Ben was nowhere to be seen.  
  
Jake looked down the racks of clothes and spotted a sprawled figure on the floor, he jerked in surprise "Cassie!" He cried and Ben forgotten he ran to her side, kneeled down and shook her, "Cassie?"  
  
Cassie's eyes flickered open and seemed to have trouble focusing for a moment, finally they came to rest on Jake's smiling face, "Jake?"  
  
"That's right I'm here."  
  
"Come closer." Jake leaned in, "Closer." He complied, Cassie breathed as if having trouble with the act, Jake blinked and waited.  
  
Cassie arm shot out and grabbed him by the crotch, Jake squealed and she squeezed harder till veins stood out all along her forearm and then she got up and lifted him to his feet.  
  
Her face was a mask of hate and evil, her eyes narrowed to snake slits and a forked tongue flicked in and out between her teeth, "I think we should see other people." She rasped.  
  
".....mommy....." Jake squeaked and she nutted him, foreheads clonked together and he flew back into Rachel's arms, behind Rachel Ash stood ready with his shotgun out.  
  
"Ahahaha, It's witch huntin' season." He said with a passable Elmer Fudd impression (is there anything the man can't do?) and fire roared from the end of his Remington, he pumped the spent chamber and fired, pumped and again, Cassie flew somersaulting backwards and collapsed face first into the ground.  
  
"She dead?" Marco asked.  
  
"It's a trick! Get an axe!" Jake cried.  
  
"That's a little harsh of you isn't it?" Rachel asked.  
  
Jake looked forlorn, "She hurt me, like I've never been hurt before."  
  
Like a puppet being picked up by the strings Cassie rose to her feet bonelessly, staring at them with angry darting eyes. "Oh fuck this." Ash said, with a jerk Cassie jumped into the air and began screeching with laughter and swooped towards them.  
  
The Animorphs and Ash ran for it with Cassie darting in the air behind them but just as they reached the end of the aisle Ben floated into view, "Boo!" They screamed again and started to run the other way but Cassie was screeching up the aisle like a banshee, they turned but Ben was doing the same blocking them off.  
  
"Duck!" Yelled Ash.  
  
"Where?" Jake asked and Rachel pulled him to the ground with the rest of them, Cassie and Ben screamed over their heads, their zombie faces contorted from gleeful rage to incredulous surprise and they collided.  
  
'Whump!' Their limp bodies dropped onto our remaining heroes who hastily pushed them off onto the floor.  
  
"Out cold." Rachel remarked.  
  
"Yep." Ash replied as he picked himself up and carefully aimed from one unconscious zombie to the other and prodded them with his boot, "You two go to Sporting Goods and grab some rope." Jake and Marco got up and walked off.  
  
Several tense minutes of watching Cassie and Ben they returned, Jake had a length of rock climbing rope over his shoulder while Marco walked beside him, his hand wrapped around the scrawny neck of Tobias who dangled with feet wheeling about in the air, his body had deflated slightly and he seemed to have all the fight of a rubber chicken left in him but he was clearly still mutated and alive.  
  
"Tobias!" Rachel yelled, "I thought you had died!"  
  
[No my dear, though sometimes I wish I had.] He wriggled his posterior in discomfort [A lot.] He snapped at Marco's fingers and failed to reach then just sighed.  
  
Ash and Rachel sat the slumping Ben and Cassie leaning their backs against each other while Jake looped the rope around them and drew it tight then tied it.  
  
[You may have defeated us but you'll die before the sun rises!] Yelled Tobias as they trussed him up and jammed him between the other two.  
  
Rachel blew him a kiss, "We're gonna go down to the Yeerk Pool and find the cure now baby, don't fret I'll be back soon."  
  
[Oh we are so over.]  
  
The final four got to the front of the store and stopped beside the wheelbarrow of chemical fertilizer. "Alright first, we got the fertilizer, Marco, we got the trigger?"  
  
"Uh, yeah right here," he tossed over the industrial cleaner, Ash gave it a once over and jammed it in his pocket.  
  
"Now, where's an entrance to this place?"  
  
"Well," Rachel said "Without Tobias to tell us different the closest I know of is..."  
  
"McDonalds?" Ash repeated for the fifth or sixth time since they'd headed out from the supermarket as they finally walked into the parking lot.  
  
"Yes, McDonalds." Marco admitted.  
  
"I always wondered what kept them in business." Ash said, "Thought it must've been the Freemasons."  
  
They pushed the wheelbarrow through the glass doors and into the restaurant, blood had splattered all over the floor and walls, even the ceiling but there were no bodies left behind.  
  
"You think they took the corpses with them?" Jake asked.  
  
"Maybe they were hanging out for take-out." Marco suggested.  
  
"Where to?" Ash asked.  
  
"We got to go round the back to the walk in freezer." Rachel said and they continued through the eerily abandoned kitchen to the back of the store.  
  
"Alright, one's the fridge, and ones the freezer." Jake mulled slowly, he pulled open one of the big white industrial doors and screamed "Aiiiiiieeeeehhh!!!" (I've grown to good for Ahh it would seem.)  
  
"Zombies?!" Marco cried.  
  
Jake slammed the door and locked it "There's a rat the size of a small dog in there."  
  
Rachel sighed and pulled open the other door, freezing cold air rushed out "In here." They jammed inside the freezer.  
  
"I don't see a door." Ash said.  
  
"You can't see it." Rachel explained, she looked quickly around, remembering the surroundings, "Put the bomb against that wall."  
  
Ash wheeled the fertilizer against the wall, simple trigger explosion already in place. "Wall looks solid but in a concentrated area like this it'll.... Oh fuck."  
  
"Uhh, Ash, what is it?" Marco asked.  
  
"Yeah it's getting to be a bad time for oh fucks of any capacity." Jake reminded him.  
  
"A fuse, trigger needs a fuse and we haven't got one, I haven't even got a lighter, anybody?" The Animorphs shook their heads no. "Oh shit, even if we had a lighter we'd need something to give a time release burn, a cigarette, matches.."  
  
'Ding!' a light bulb went off over Marco's head, startling the other three "Wait a second." He dug about in his pocket till he found what he was looking for, out he pulled the joint and book of matches Ben had given him.  
  
"Marco, I'm feeling stressed myself but I don't think this is the time or place." Jake said, shaking his head.  
  
Ash grinned "Perfect!" He snatched the fatty and matches out of Marco's palm, stuck the joint in his mouth and popped alight a match, he looked at the three others watching him "Uh, remember, winners don't do drugs."  
  
"Not even socially?" Marco asked.  
  
"Oh well of course socially, you want to be unpopular now?" He sucked the joint alight and stuck it in the matchbook, "Now get out of here, go go!" He stuck the matchbook, burning end in the air, into the trigger and they cleared out of the freezer, slamming the door shut behind them.  
  
Inside the joint burned slowly down, each match head bursting to life as it passed down, slowly blazing down closer and closer...  
  
~Chapter Nineteen~  
  
The Yeerk Pool was in chaos, still living Yeerk hosts fired on a bizarre array of mutants and zombies of every species, Human, Hork-Bajir and Taxxon living dead filled the area, in the middle of it Visser Three sluiced his way easier than most through the unnatural attackers towards one of his troop leaders firing every which way.  
  
A zombie Hork-Bajir stumbled in front of him, the creatures eyes were sick pupil-less yellow and his skin seemed a darker shade of green, almost black and looking about ready to slide right off his bones "I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!"  
  
The Visser flicked out his tail and the zombies head bounced across the rocky floor, the body collapsed to the ground as if suddenly struck boneless, Visser Three stepped around it on dainty hoofs. [Oy, this is not going to plan, Commander, status report!]  
  
"Sir the undead are attacking in nearly all sectors, breaches have been made in several and the rest are about to go." The burly Hork-Bajir controller replied, "It's impossible, they just keep coming, any casualties on our side get up and kill! Those they kill get up and kill!"  
  
[Oy vey! Yes I get the picture.] Visser Three waved him away, another Hork-Bajir approached, [Yeah whadda you want?]  
  
"Visser Three I am Councillor Eight, I'm here for a surprise inspection." The Councillor looked at the chaotic surroundings "I'm afraid this will have to go down in my report."  
  
[Oy vey ismier! What else could go wrong?] The Visser exclaimed, no sooner were the words out of his... Brain... Then a thundering explosion rocked the cavern, echoing out from a nearby entrance, one of the few unminded by zombies, The Visser stumbled as the shockwaves rumbled, once they subsided and smoke drifted lazily from the site a human at the head of three all too familiar faces, tiger, gorilla and bear, marched through the smoke.  
  
He was a rough looking character with what looked like a robotic right hand and a chin that wouldn't quit, he pumped the primitive human weapon he held and yelled above the madness. "Alright you brain stealing alien screw heads! Reach for the sky!"  
  
His mother always told him there'd be days like this.  
  
***To Be Continued***  
  
Britz-Well you know that final chap is coming regardless, but you could review just to be friendly, I'll sink as low as... Please? 


	7. The Final Insult

Britz-So it's late, so sue me this halloween ends now! Gods have mercy on my soul.  
  
~Chapter Twenty~  
  
All nearby creatures, large and small, living and dead had turned their gaze to Ash, "Uhh, Jake, I think I'm gonna hand the crown back to you." He slowly sheathed his shotgun  
  
[I thought you knew what you were doing!] He yelled panicked.  
  
"Fine be like that, I wasn't expecting quite all the zombies, you see that Visser bloke you're after?"  
  
[Right, over, there.] Marco said.  
  
"The centaur's pretty-boy cousin? Okay, why not? Somebody try and get him while the rest of us kill everything else."  
  
[Good plan.] Rachel drawled, it was tricky to tell wether she was being sarcastic or not.  
  
"Go!"  
  
All four burst towards the milling crowds of aliens, zombies and alien zombies. Rachel barrelled through them like they were bowling pins, railroad spike claws shredding dead men left and right, Marco began pounding cinderblock fists with little regard of what was on the receiving end, Ash jumped into the fray punching and kicking, pulling his chainsaw out as he went, Jake pounced knocking a Hork-Bajir to the ground and made for the Visser.  
  
A group of zombies surrounded a group of Taxxons, tearing them apart like wet bags of garbage, steaming alien blood and guts washing over the rocky ground till one final living one was left buried in the burst bodies of his brethren going mad with fear and overpowering hunger.  
  
"Can't we jussst sssssplit it?" He asked the human zombie looming over him, it reached for him just as an enormous mountain of fur grew up behind him, casting both him and his hapless victim in shadow, the zombie began to turn when a swinging paw knocked him flying into a broken and busted heap of bones, Rachel tore apart the other zombies surrounding the gore, making short work of the living dead.  
  
"Thankssss much, I thought I wasssss a goner." The Taxxon grinned its toothy circular mouth (don't ask how.) Rachel's eyes narrowed, two seconds later the Taxxon's head tore from it's body, flew through the air and splatted to the rocky ground not far from the reinfestation wharf "Sssshould have ssssseen that one coming."  
  
Zombies flew left and right [This one's for the title!] Marco yelled and he swung a left hook into the side of a human zombies face, the creature's head spun about like a top till it reached up and grabbed it, [Wow, that was so cool.] Marco remarked.  
  
"Yeah, but what a crick in the neck." The zombie said and its head dropped off its neck backwards. Marco began to giggle girlishly when the air was cut by a screaming "Rrrrrreeeek!!!" He turned about, a mutant Taxxon with wings sprouting from its slimey centipede sides slapped wetly into him and knocked him on his ass.  
  
[Wha?] Little mutant Taxxons, like leeches with wings fluttered around his "Reek, reek, reek, reek..." Marco waved them away and got back to his feet, the flying monstrosity came for another pass, Marco's fist whistled through the air...  
  
The flying freak hit the ground and rolled, squelching in all sorts of unpleasant ways. It steadied itself and came again, this time scuttling along the ground, it reared up, bloated and huge as the Goodyear blimp to body slam him Marco's meaty cinderblock fist lashed out, the force of the punch tore through the Taxxon's skin and buried his hand past the furry wrist in bug flesh   
  
[Ewww.] He groaned as black blood flowed out of the wound matting down his black hair, He pulled it out, his hand was holding something, a blackish-purple alien heart.  
  
He held his blood dripping hand out, palm up to the Taxxon "Lose something?" The big Taxxon whimpered and cocked it's head like a quizzical dog then lowered it's mouth and gobbled up the still beating heart, Marco turned his head, grimacing in disgust, then giggled [Heheh, his tongue tickles.] He drew back his arm and saw his middle finger was missing, just a stub of bone squirting blood remained, Marco paled.  
  
The zombie Taxxon's red jelly eyes had gone wide "Haaack, haaack!" it gestured wildly with it's little lobster claws and flapped it's wings but to no avail, it gave one final groan and thudded to the rocky ground, Marco looked down at it cautiously.  
  
[Well whaddaya know? We've burned 'em, we've shot 'em, we've sliced them into itty bitty pieces but in the end all you need to do kill the bastards is to give them the finger!]  
  
Metal hit bone and the zombie's head went up in a puff of bust and bone, Ash drew back, swung around and high kicked another, ribs caved in it stumbled back and fell into the murky water of the Yeerk pool.  
  
"I'll ssssswallow your ssssoul! I'll ssssswallow your ssssoul!" Hissed a fast approaching zombie Taxxon, backing him up another human zombie was coming fast, Ash whipped around with his boomstick.  
  
He jammed the barrel into the creature's gullet till its shape could be made poking out the back of the bug's head "Swallow this." He pulled the trigger and the back of the Taxxons head exploded into mush, the shot continued on and took off the other zombies head, both dropped.  
  
Ash sheathed the gun as he turned to a living Hork-Bajir's approach, he pounded it's abs with his left hand and laid it out with a right uppercut, it fell with a clatter of blades, another Hork-Bajir controller approached and Ash swatted him away with a fearsome right, behind him the ground seemed to shake, He turned, Three bulging, cut Hork-Bajir with blue armbands stood there bladed arms folded.  
  
'Whick! Whick! Whick!' their blades cut the air, narrowly missing one another, they swept out with their tails and kicked in the air in perfect succession then stopped and crossed their bulging arms again, the middle one laughed, growling and deep.  
  
"Ahh, Fuck." Ash grabbed his shotgun. Chik, BOOM! Chik, BOOM! Chik, BOOM! He sheathed it and turned away, dusting his hands and whistling, the elite Hork-Bajir warriors stood there in shock for a moment, then simultaneously dropped down dead.  
  
Jake's tiger morph zigged and the Visser zagged, his tail blade sparked off the rocky ground, they circled each other, Jake taking a half hearted swipe at the air and growling deep in his throat.  
  
"Braiiiins, braiiiiiins!" A rotted zombie jogging at them barked, they turned and the Visser's tail whipped out, the zombie's left arm was cleaved off at the shoulder, so old was the body the arm hit the ground without a speck of blood, "Oh no, how am I going to operate my digital watch now?" The zombie inquired before Jake knocked him to the ground and swiped his head off his shoulders.  
  
Jake slinked back around to the Visser, he backed up as the Andalite controller approached. "I'll swallow your soul!" yelled a Hork-Bajir zombie behind him, Jake turned and with a vicious hook clawed the creatures guts out, Visser Three walked closer, looking from the wounded zombie to the tiger morph, tail twitching.  
  
Decision made it flew out catching the Hork-Bajir in the shoulder and cutting diagonally down through it to its waist, gurgling blood it slid apart, Jake regarded the Visser with caution.  
  
Finally Visser Three sighed, [Andalite bandit, though you and I are sworn enemies, I find myself, how you say, up shit creek without possession of a paddle, or canoe for that matter.]  
  
Jake stayed silent but nodded his blocky tiger head.  
  
[I suggest a truce between us.] The Visser continued, [We join forces until such point as these zombies are eradicated.]  
  
From the nearby entrance that Ash had blown came a gentle 'clip-clop, clip-clop' as a haggard looking slight figure stepped down the stairs.  
  
[Alright Visser.] Jake said finally, [But no killing, shake?] He offered with frying pan sized paw, the Visser accepted it with his many-figured hand and they shook.  
  
[Am I interrupting something?] Rasped a dark, evil voice that scraped in every fighters head like sandpaper across their frontal lobe, all eyes turned.  
  
Quietly his trotted over the rocky ground, shin bone showing through on his front right leg, flesh hanging oddly in patches.  
  
[Ax?] Jake asked amazed, [What happened to you?]  
  
[I died.] He answered simply, [It hurts Jake, I can feel myself rotting, but I know what will make it stop.]  
  
[What's that?] Marco asked.  
  
[Making you alllll dead like me, and forming a new group of fighters, where I'm in charge, not just some convenient plot piece to be used and discarded at will, not just some plucky pitiful comic relief, Ax can be the boss man.]  
  
[He's crazy, that'll never work!] Jake lamented to the others, [He was born an awkward plot device and so he shall remain!]  
  
Visser Three breathed deeply and exhaled [You need to find my top scientist, Steve, knowing that lush he'll be in the Pool bar right about now, you find him and find out what can stop these zombie bastards once and for all.]  
  
[What are you going to do?] Jake asked wide-eyed.  
  
The Visser's four eyes got steely and he cracked his many knuckles, [I'm gonna take out the trash.] And he charged, galloping towards zombie Ax, tail blades clanged together.  
  
[Run away! Run away!] Jake yelled and the others took off through the zombie-clogged cavern.  
  
"There's the bar!" Ash yelled, pointing to a building imbedded into the rock wall with a neon sign declaring it 'Flaming Kijet 256s' He snatched his chainsaw up from the ground where it had dropped in battle and it roared through a zombies midsection as he ran.  
  
Their twin tails had become mere blurs of blue and bone as the Visser and the Zombie duelled, Visser Three's tail sunk into the soft dead flesh of Ax's shoulders, blood trickled from the wound as he pulled back, Ax did not slow, he flicked out and the Visser's neatly severed stalk eye twirled through the air.  
  
Visser Three roared with pain, his remaining eyes squinting with the pain, he made a half hearted lunge with his tail and Ax struck again, catching the Visser's lower tail, it chopped in half, Visser Three's hoofs skittered on the floor as he stumbled back, lost in a haze of shock.  
  
Ax smiled with his demonic glowing eyes, [Sorry old man, but you lose.] Ax's tail made one final arc catching the Visser just under the armpit and tearing across his torso, rips crunching and blood spurting. Ax drew back satisfied, Visser Three hit the ground like a sack of doorknobs, the light in his eyes faded and died with one final gasp.  
  
[Rock, and roll, for.... Ever...]  
  
~Chapter Twenty One~  
  
Steve settled himself onto the polished barstool, "Hi Lloyd, little slow tonight isn't it?" He gestured to the otherwise empty bar.  
  
"Yeah well there are all those zombies outside Mr Hannen." Lloyd replied drably, he didn't much care for serving the Visser brilliant but drunk top scientist.  
  
"Don't ask, don't tell Lloyd my man." Steve attempted to tap his nose knowingly but the gesture was beyond his present motor skills and his hand instead made dizzying circles in front of his eyes.  
  
"What'll it be?"  
  
"Now I'm awfully glad you asked me that Lloyd." Steve admitted, "Raising the dead is thirsty work you should know so here's what you're gonna do, you slip me a bottle of Bourbon, a glass and some ice, you can do that can't you Lloyd? You're not to busy, are you?" He brayed drunken laughter and gestured to the empty bar once more.  
  
Lloyd scowled "No sir, I'm not busy at all." He began to make the scientist's drink.  
  
"That's swell. I like you, Lloyd, I always liked you, you were always the best of them, best goddamned bartender from Timbuktu to Portland Maine, Portland Neptune for that matter."  
  
"So kind of you to say so."  
  
The bar door flew open with a bang as a tiger pounced through nearly knocking it off his hinges, Lloyd stumbled back into the shelves of bottles behind him, Steve looked around slowly in delayed surprise, following up the tiger a gorilla knuckled walked through the door and stumbled about the linoleum floor, as the door began to swing shut an even bigger mound of fur, this time a grizzly bear squeezed it's mass through the door frame, the empty bar was now becoming very crowded indeed.  
  
Finally, almost an anti climatic invader, a human, swearing and yelling madly as the zombies closed in, wielding a buzzing chainsaw stumbled backwards through the door and slammed it shut with his free hand then slid the lock and bolts into place.  
  
[Steve Hannen?] Jake asked.  
  
"That's my name Garfield, don't go wearing it out." He went to take a drink of Bourbon but Ash stepped over and knocked the glass out his hand to the floor, Ash's metal gauntlet grabbed the collar of his shirt and hauled him against the bar.  
  
"Alright Steve, we're gonna have us a little Q&A session, and any time I don't like one of you answers." He brandished his chainsaw, "I'm gonna cut something off, do I make myself clear?"  
  
Steve squinted, Ash could smell the fumes of alcohol on his breath but thought he had gotten through, Steve's face lit up "Anybody ever tell you ya look like that King of thieves guy from 'Xena'?"  
  
"Oh damn." Marco laughed a little, Ash eyed him.  
  
[Well you kinda do.]  
  
Steve now squinted at Marco, "And you must be Magilla, y'know ya look kinda like my first wife, only petite."  
  
The zombie crowds milling about in front of the Yeerk bar parted as zombie Ax made his way to the door, he rapped lightly on the oak.  
  
[Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in.] He crooned.  
  
[No. Fuck off.] Marco called from the other side.  
  
[Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!] Ax taunted, he drew back his tail.  
  
Inside all were quiet then something banged against the door, a little hole splintered and they all jumped, Ax drew back and struck again his tail blade poked through this time.  
  
Ash turned back to Steve, "Play time's over, we need to know now, how do you stop these zombies."  
  
"Well you, uh, destroy the brain is your best option, or fire, fire works pretty good." Steve mumbled, thinking.  
  
[No, how do you kill them all en masse?] Rachel snarled.  
  
"Ohh, like destroying the virus animating them maybe?" Steve asked, "Well golly that's easy, sunlight will do the job, a little daylight will knock the virus right out of 'em."  
  
[Daylight? DAYLIGHT?] Marco exclaimed.  
  
"Yah-huh, what do you think I am stupid? Dusk til dawn fail safe so there's none of that messy zombies taking over the world shit to deal with."  
  
[Mess him up a little Ash.] Rachel said angrily, but they all winced as Ax's tail blade finally broke a hole completely through the door.  
  
"What time is it?" Ash growled, shaking Steve, Steve shakily checked his wristwatch.  
  
"Going on five-thirty." He replied, "Wow I should get back, I told my AA meeting I was just stepping out to get everyone some coffee."  
  
[Dawn.] Jake practically whispered.  
  
All over the little seaside town of..... Animorphs... Place, the rays of the sun swept through the zombie littered streets, they crumpled as the virus that animated them was forcibly expelled from their bodies.  
  
Mutants fell and huddled in the gutters in pain, sneezing violently as the virus was expelled from their bodies, evidence of their mutation flaring and melting away, the Jonson sisters walked hand in hand down the pavement then shrieked as the sun hit their bodies, sneezing madly then looked up and smiled, demonic glow and deathly pallor lost.  
  
"Guuuh." Cassie declared, nose dripping and sneezed one final time, dust particles floated in the sunlight in front of her eyes.  
  
Tobias shook himself awake, "Oy, I'll second that." He looked down at his body, "Jesus, what the hell happened last night? My memory's shot, my entire body is bald as, well, a plucked chicken and my ass hurts like nobody's business."  
  
"Oh, I've been there." Grunted Ben.  
  
"Yeah well that's great for the town and the world and all." Ash said, breaking the others out of that weird cut scene and back to reality, "But it doesn't help us, how are we supposed to get sunlight down here?"  
  
Jake's tiger eyes brightened [Fear not, for I have a cunning plan!]  
  
[Oh Hell I think we'll take anything right about now.] Marco sighed, [What is it?]  
  
[The Dracon cannons, serious firepower, they've got them lined all around the edges, we fight through the zombies, get a hold of one and punch a hole right through the ceiling, good morning sunshine.]  
  
[By God I think he's got it!] Rachel exclaimed.  
  
"It's so crazy it just might work." Ash agreed, "Stand back kids."  
  
They watched the battered door, hearts pounding in their ears, Ax's tail flew through and smashed out a panel, he pressed his gruesome zombie face against it.  
  
[Heeeere's...]  
  
"Boomstick!" Ash cut in and jammed the barrel into Ax's face and pulled, Ax flew back teetering on his hind legs, a fine mist of blood wafted through the air, He regained his balance and fell back to all fours, his mouth less face was a speckled bloody ruin, anger blazing in all eyes.  
  
The door swept open, Ash stood there defiant, his chainsaw roared into life, he raised his left hand and pointed at Ax, "It's go time."  
  
Ash took flight towards Ax, chainsaw buzzing from left to right clearing a pathway, zombies fell and drew back, heads and limbs bounced on the rocky floor.  
  
Ax flitted his tail in the path of the smoke belching metal blade as Ash swung to his neck, for a moment their panting faces were nose to nostrils, all eyes involved were narrowed at the opponent, Ash pulled back taking his chainsaw with him, Ax let his tail fly and this time Ash was the one to parry.  
  
The Animorphs came barrelling out of the broken bar door and the fur did fly with fist and claw, Jake pounced on top of a wandering Hork-Bajir zombie, Rachel beat aside several and focused her grainy bear vision, there was a sea of moaning, hungry, dead flesh between her and the closest Dracon cannon.  
  
'Well only one thing to be done.' She thought and lowered herself onto all fours, a zombie got in her way and she grabbed it with her mouth, shook it like a dog with a rag doll and let it fly.  
  
A zombie reduced to a bare bag of bones rolled along the ground and dropped into the pool but Ash and the fearsome zombie Ax paid it no mind as their mismatched blades, one of bone and the other of buzzing steel clashed again and again.  
  
Rachel's bear roared through the zombies, some clung to her fear, biting and scratching but she paid them no mind, an organic tank she burst through their ranks, slamming them aside and rose again to two legs.  
  
A Hork-Bajir blade swiped out with unnatural speed and cut across her gut, she bellowed with pain and simply punched the zombie, knocking its lights well and truly out.  
  
Ash backed down the infestation pier, chainsaw grumbling in readiness, Ax was swinging his tail back and forth in front of him like a cane cutter as he advanced.  
  
[Resistance is futile human.] Ax smiled coldly, [We are unstoppable, we're zombies, it's what we do. Why do you continue to fight even when it is clearly hopeless?]  
  
"We're funny like that, we're humans, it's what we do."  
  
Rachel stumbled on two stumpy grizzly legs towards the machine, half her intestinal track was in the process of slipping out her body and onto the cold, hard ground.  
  
The Dracon cannon operator had died at the controls, sitting in a pool of his own blood, his throat ripped out and the top of his skull of like a flip top, slumped as he was like a big boneless meat puppet Rachel drew back when the corpses face turned to her.  
  
"Hiya toots." It grinned.  
  
Rachel slammed it away with a meaty paw, [Outta the way handsome I ain't got the time.]  
  
Ax's tail blade smacked down unexpectedly on the base of the chainsaw blade and Ash dropped the weapon in surprise, it bounced once and dropped into the Yeerk Pool, reacting without thought he lashed out a right hook, the metal fist dazzling Ax momentarily but the powerful zombie came back and shoved Ash, he came down right at the end of the pier.  
  
Ash looked the zombie from toes to tail in panic as it loomed over him, looking desperately for a weak spot, Ax smiled condescendingly above him and raised his tail.  
  
[The party is, how you say, over human.]  
  
"No way screw head." Ash said through gritted teeth, "The party ain't over till there's only Cinzano left to drink!" A boot lashed out and connected firmly with Ax's right foreleg, the one that looked gnawed on, held together only be interlocking bone.  
  
It snapped apart and Ax's eyes grew wide with surprise as he lost balance, his arms windmilled wildly as he slipped forward and collapsed face first into the murky lead waters of the Pool.  
  
"Hit it!" Ash yelled above the chaos, Rachel's ears twitched as she manipulated the controls clumsily and the cannon angled itself towards the Yeerk Pool roof, a thundering beam of light roared from the barrel and charged through the earth above the pool.  
  
Topside confused and recovering humans watched in sudden terror as an enormous geyser of red light erupted from an empty car cluttered main road and streaked off into the atmosphere.  
  
Ash breathed heavily eyes blurred by the beam's after flash, Ax blew out of the waters, screaming frustration and holding Ash's Excalibur in both hands above his head, he motioned to cut Ash in two when rays of sunshine peeked through the fresh hole in the ceiling and flooded the deep underground with a light it had never before seen the like of.  
  
Marco stopped punching as the zombie in front of him sneezed several times then fell as if struck by the hand of God, all around zombies dropped like plague victims as the sunlight hit their bodies, A Hork-Bajir mutant behind him shrank back to normal, ergo huge, size, devilish goat horns shrinking back into it's head.  
  
"What is..?" Marco slammed a fist into its beak and it fell down cold amongst the zombies.  
  
[Ewww, bodies.] Jake spat a wriggling arm out of his muzzle as it started refusing to clench its hand in protest of being eaten.  
  
[Oh-No!] A-CHOO! [What's] A-CHOO! [Happening to me?] A-CHOO! Ax exclaimed as the sunlight rocked his body, his fingers growing dead once more the buzzing waterlogged chainsaw slipped from his grasp and buried itself right between his stalk eyes, Ash rose and pulled it from Ax's skull before it collapsed beneath the murky grey waves.  
  
"Party's over, asshole."  
  
Rachel morphed back quickly as she dropped back from the controls and ran for Ash as he shoved his chainsaw back in it's scabbard, "Ash! Ash! We did it! We survived against all Vegas long odds!" Her feet seemed to barely touch the pier as she raced towards him.  
  
"Was there ever any doubt?" He wrapped both his arms around her waist and hoisted her into the air, twirling around as he did, "Hail to the king, and his newly appointed queen, baby." He sat her back down and the two kissed, bathed in the new dawn light.  
  
Jake and Marco stood side-by-side, humans once more outside Flaming Kijet's as Steve and Lloyd exited, blinking stupidly at the sunlight.  
  
"Wow, what an ending." Jake commented, Marco smiled and slung an arm around Jake's shoulders.  
  
"You know Jake?" He said as he toed his way around a slowly decomposing body, "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."  
  
"What we weren't friends? Cause I.."  
  
~The Merciful End!!.... Almost~  
  
~Chapter Twenty-Two: The Wrap Up~  
  
Overjoyed at discovering Cassie and Co alive and reasonably coherent Jake proposed marriage, Cassie accepted and the pair were wed, nine months later along came baby, a hideous, twisted, plant creature with a cactus for a head (It's a bitch to breast feed) and a rosebush appendix, Jake has his doubts about the baby's lineage but Cassie assures him it's his.  
  
Tobias eventually got over it.  
  
After a heroic twenty cones Ben was finally able to articulate one of the greatest mysteries of man, just how death felt, "Like sleeping with your dumpy secretary in a civil servant job and finding out she uses her teeth, a change of pace in a load of boring shit that you can't decide wether's for better or worse." The New England Medical Journal declined to quote him. His parents still aren't allowing any more parties.  
  
Marco meet up with the now sober, now human Jonson sisters, and completely failed to get off with them.  
  
Ash and Rachel lived happily every after, thank Christ someone did, they are rumoured on a double date with Indiana Jones and Xena, fighting Nazi-zombies in Bora Bora, at least that's what Ben claims Neil Diamond rang and told him right after he got off with the New England Medical Journal. Both are currently Missing In Action after a jaunt through the voodoo infested islands of South America, presumed alive, spunky and sexually compatible.  
  
~We Got There In The Merciful End, For Real This Time~  
  
Britz-Well I'll be damned, we did get there in the end, that was hard, I need to lie down again, and if you've come this far review! You musta gotten something to say by now. 


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